How to glue a heart broken by the loss of a loved one? What can you do if your wife really leaves? When your child dies? When will your husband take you to court and obtain the right to take your children to the other side of the world? How can you pursue your dreams if your efforts fail? When are you coming back devastated from the war? When your pennies evaporate and you find to your horror that although you are sixty-four years old and have a PhD, you work as a salesman in a supermarket?

No matter how many people have gone through or are going through similar troubles, it is a devastating and devastating experience if our lives are turned upside down.The book "10 Things You Should Do When Your Life Is Falling Down"is devoted to just such a period - when life becomes so terribly difficult that you want to give up when it seems that you can no longer cope when you feel you have been experienced beyond measure. On an emotional level, you wonder how you could get through all these terrible feelings: deep pain and regret, loss, sadness, despair. But perhaps on the level of your deeper spiritual intelligence you are asking yourself, “How can I better cope with what has happened to me? What's the point of all of this? ”. Daphne Kingma, the author of the guide, set herself the task not to work out a temporary salvation from the situation, but to find the true meaning of life. And that's what this book is about.

Worth knowing

Daphne Kinga - couples therapy specialist, called the "doctor of love", author of 13 books about love and relationships between people, which have sold millions of copies and have been translated into 15 languages. For over twenty years, Daphne has worked with both individuals and couples to help them improve the quality of their relationship and bring more love to their lives. As an enormously popular and sought-after speaker, she is often invited to give lectures throughout the United States and Europe. He also regularly conducts workshops for the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California and the Recreer Foundation in Paris, France. She lives in Santa Barbara, California.

Here are 10 things to help you deal with sudden adversities:

1.Cry

Crying is a natural way to express sadness and regret. And it is amazing how often we stop it. We live in a culture that is afraid of expressing regret; we can't cry. If our lives are falling apart in one way or another, we usually try to take control of events, find solutions to them, forget about them, or displace them from our consciousness - instead of experiencing them fully, accepting their existence and seeing what they can do. be their deeper meaning for us. It has been scientifically proven that when people repress their sadness, they also suppress positive emotions.

2. Get rid of habitual solutions

Habits are somewhat reflexive and are not always the best solution. New - and especially difficult - circumstances call for new solutions: improvisation, imagination, creativity. But when we're scared, scared, or overwhelmed by a situation, most of us resort to habitual behavior because… well, that's what we've always done. In theory, there is actually nothing wrong with these reactions. Under the right circumstances, they can be an excellent survival strategy.

It's great to have a work ethic that lets you work tirelessly when you come up with a project that needs to close in three days. It is wonderful to talk to your friends endlessly about the endless possibilities of your new relationship, or to enjoy a snack or a drink when you have been overwhelmed by some terrible failure. But if you always do this, or more importantly, if you do just that - or if you do it in excess - especially when changed circumstances call for some other behavior, then you are living by your "default behavior." Time to change that.

3. Do something else

Different circumstances make us behave differently. Grow or die. Stretch or contract. Fly or get lost in the ruins. We must change to the rhythm of the changes in our world. When our circumstances change, we must change our responses to them. How to learn it?

4. Learn to quit

When your life falls apart, the natural impulse is to hang on to him or her; what your life was or you wanted it to be, the way you want it now. But to get through the crisis, you need to get rid of the obstacle that is standing in your way or causing the problem; it's a ball on the leg, empty cans tied to the tail. You have to get rid of everything that does not serve you, everything that you no longer need, that prevents you from moving forward, to whatever you are so attached to that you cannot see where.you're going.

5. Remember who you have always been

The problem is that when life falls apart, we often forget who we are and what we can offer ourselves. So often, instead of saying like my friend Phillip, “I'm the type that never gives up; I will go through this, even if I have to clean my shoes ”, you feel the softness in your knees and despair in your soul - you feel like a butterfly in the eye of the cyclone: ​​desperate, broken, pathetic and completely defenseless. This is why it is so important for you to get to know your Strength. When you remember what you are good at, you can have hope! Instead of feeling like your circumstances overwhelm you, you suddenly realize that - in fact - you are bringing out your best qualities.

6. Be persistent

If you have decided to persevere, it is not because you are an idiot and not because you have looked around, looked inside and realized how awful your current situation is. It happened because, despite a thousand reasons for discouragement, you chose to be brave, move forward, clench your fists and not give up, no matter how deplorable, tedious, problematic or seemingly hopeless circumstances you found yourself in. The power of persistence is especially needed when you are dealing with emotionally devastating, intense events or when you are faced with a multitude of difficult problems at the same time.

7. Integrate your loss

In order for you to go through the present crisis in your life, you have to integrate what has happened, in other words, you need to assimilate it, accept it, and then weave it into the matter of your life. Your integration, assimilation of the content and meaning of the crisis will be a sign that you are well on your way to overcoming adversity.

8. Live a simple life

To live simply means to limit as much as possible - things, obligations, expectations, people. It means removing all excess and rubbish from your life to make room for what you use and need in your home, in your heart, mind and life. It is getting to the bottom of things and returning to a way of life that most of us only remember dimly: pleasures that do not cost a lot of money, satisfaction that is not bought in a store, entertainment that does not require a screen or competition with hundreds. other people for a place.

9. Go to love

When we are troubled by problems, we also begin to realize our own vulnerability, our own sensitivity. We see that in one area or another, some help could be of use to us. So we begin to pour out of our own cupneeds to get help. This is because when we are battered by life, we become more humble, more open, and more willing to both give and receive. We are also more willing to take advantage of the opportunities that arise. We open up. We let our guard down. We ask questions. We break down. We accept the consolation. Words. Cover. Meal. As time passes, we realize that something extraordinary has happened: the more we lean towards others, the less lonely we feel. Somehow, even in the chaos we are in at the moment, we feel loved. And the greatest thing is that the more love we need, the more love we have, quite unexpectedly, to give.

10. Live in the light of the spirit

The crisis is a fire test of mature consciousness, because it forces us to adopt a completely new and unknown attitude towards life. It changes our energy, mixes our emotions, strains our bodies, brings us sleepless nights and excruciating heartache, so that our body and our psyche become susceptible to information that under ordinary circumstances does not reach us at all. When we fall apart, we become vulnerable and permeable - our structure is sufficiently desynchronized, sufficiently altered, weakened enough to receive new information. We are open. We can change. And we change.

The author does not guarantee that you will change your life dramatically after reading this book, but at least you will learn what actions will help you deal with adversities.

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Psychology