You are a single mother and at times you have doubts as to whether you did the right thing or whether you would be able to do it? Single motherhood is not an easy road, but fate has a great reward for you: a child for whom you will be the most beloved being in the world. Single motherhood does not mean loneliness.

When you see couples laughing in the street, proudly pushing prams. You have men who embrace their pregnant partners with affection. Then you think, "And I'm alone … Can I handle it?" Definitely! After all, you have a child with you, who alone is enough to bring joy into your life. Alone - it doesn't mean lonely. Psychologists define loneliness as an emotional state resulting from the lack of positive relationships with other people. It's a subjective feeling: you are lonely when you see yourself as lonely, abandoned by everyone. But it's impossible that you don't have any good connections with the people around you! You have family, friends, acquaintances, and most of all … a child that you carry under your heart.

Single motherhood then and today

Nowadayssingle motherhoodis not a no-win situation. The stereotype of a single woman bringing up a child, stigmatized by her environment, is slowly fading into oblivion. Moral changes made the 1 + 1 family model become more and more widespread. Raising a child by one of the parents is more and more often a conscious choice: I want to have a child, but not necessarily a husband.Single motherno longer shocking, not worse, does not provoke condemnation. On the contrary, it is an exemplary example of heroic courage and strength. In common understanding, single motherhood is not an offense against the generally accepted norm, but an expression of female independence, the right to decide about herself and to raise a child independently.

Important

In the last 20 years, the number of single parents in Poland has increased by half. There are over a million such families, and 90 percent of them are mothers with children.

Financial support for a single mother

Single mothers are often accompanied by the fear of tomorrow

You probably have doubts at times: are you sureyou can do it, did you do the right thing … Such emotions are perfectly normal and you have every right to them. More - you should talk about them out loud. Here, warm and sincere conversations with friends, family, acquaintances, and exchange of thoughts on a discussion forum with women in a similar situation will be helpful. Nor must you blame yourself for what happened. Once you made the decision to be single mother, the reasons for doing it must have been strong enough: you felt it would be better that way. If, on the other hand, it was not your choice, in times of weakness, think about what your life and your child's life might be like with a partner who would not be able to bring you happiness and for whom the role of a father might be too difficult. Sometimes it is better for a child to have one loving parent than if he or she has to strive for love in vain where it is not, or witness misunderstandings between the parents … It also happens that the partner dies before the child is born. Then single motherhood is doubly complicated. There is mourning, unimaginable longing, even regret for the partner that he has passed away, and fears for the future. At the same time, however, your pregnancy has a metaphysical element to it: the deceased partner lives on in your upcoming pregnancy. This is how you should think about it. This will give you strength even in grief and mourning. But you cannot allow yourself to despair. It paralyzes you and can make you indifferent to everything. If you have a hard time dealing with this situation by yourself or even with the help of friends, don't hesitate to seek professional help. You can find her in a psychological or psychiatric clinic. You will slowly regain your balance, and you will no longer be afraid of looking into the future.

Single mothers often experience extreme emotions

First of all, however, you should count on the help of your loved ones. Don't be afraid and don't be ashamed to ask for it when the need arises. Maintaining good relations with those around you is important for you to feel safe. Try not to neglect contacts with family and friends. Talk openly about your fears, do not hide emotions - both positive and negative. Such a conversation will not only give you a sense of cleansing and will be relieving you; it will also allow you to look at your problem from a different perspective. They say fear has big eyes. Thoughts that frighten you will lose their destructive power if you say them aloud. Really! Naming your anxiety will help you reduce it and make it human. Believe me: you will definitely find support and understanding among your relatives (family, friends and even neighbors). But unless you tell them what's bothering you the most, they won'tthey knew how to help you.

Single motherhood is a new stage in life

Even though you are currently preparing yourself for the role of mother, one thing is important: motherhood is a great opportunity for development. Even if you think that having a baby will leave you with many opportunities, think of it as a chance to go beyond your own limits. The love that will connect you with your baby will allow you to experience a whole new aspect of humanity. How you handle this role will depend on whether you see your motherhood as an obstacle or as a new phase in your life. Knowing that you are the only support for your little one will give you strength. You'll be amazed at how much she can do for your baby - much more than you would be able to do for yourself. You will mobilize yourself to act: learn, look for a better job; you will be better organized, more responsible, bolder. And most importantly - you will never come back to an empty house again. Someone who loves you most in the world will be waiting for you. And think about that first of all. Your child needs loving care, but it is equally important that he grows up in a cheerful atmosphere. The easiest way to create this is for your child when you are happy and fulfilled.

Happy single mom

It is only up to you what your life will be like. First, it is imperative that you accept your present situation. Don't think of it in terms of "guilt" and "punishment" - what was, was, and it is not worth dwelling on. Don't look back - what's in front of you is important. Never treat a child as your property or as someone to replace your lack of a partner. This small, sensitive man needs your love, but a wise love. Don't make him a bargaining chip in dealing with his father, even if you hold a grudge against him. If he wants to see the baby, he has the right to do so, just as a child has the right to know his parent. For you to be happy, it is important that you accept yourself and your choices. It's not that difficult, you have a reason to be proud: you've decided on an extraordinary undertaking, which is raising a child on your own. That's right: independent, not - lonely. It is not said that you have to go through life alone, that you will not meet someone on your way who will love you, and maybe even replace a father for your child.

Single motherhood is sometimes associated with a lack of acceptance

People around you may perceive your single motherhood in different ways. Most people will probably be kind, but you also need to be prepared for stupid questions, inappropriate comments, or noneacceptance. You'll be in situations that will embarrass you more than once, so you'd better prepare a standard retort like, “I've never been as happy as I am now. We are good together with the baby ”. This should effectively end the embarrassing conversation for you. Also consider in advance in which official and administrative situations you may be asked about the child's father. If necessary, consider the matter of establishing paternity, because it is connected with the granting of alimony by the court. Find out now who can help you when you have to go to the hospital, and who will pick you up after the birth. It is also important that you have support in the first period after having a baby; maybe someone close to you will live with you - mom, sister? Maybe a friend or neighbor might drop by during the day or evening to help out with shopping, housework, or bathing your baby. In your free time, listen to your favorite music, go for walks, watch nice movies, read novels and guides in a positive tone. Think about the baby who will soon appear in the world. Also, be aware that you are not the first and the last to find yourself in this situation. Talk to other single women on the Internet forum, visit the websites of associations, foundations, centers caring for single mothers (addresses in the box). It's important that you don't feel alone. Single motherhood does not mean loneliness.

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Category:

Psychology