I have a very depressing question. He has been having intercourse with my girlfriend for a year (we are 20 and both she and I did it for the first time in our lives) and for a year I have had a problem with premature ejaculation. Our intercourse lasts 3-5 minutes and I come, there are days when I can have sex for an hour and I cannot come. Then I feel ashamed in front of the woman that I came faster and did not even satisfy her. Are there any measures or medications to prevent this?
Your difficulty is known as premature ejaculation. It occurs in many young men who enter intercourse and is usually psychogenic, which means that it is triggered by psychological factors. Such factors will be: fear of testing myself as a lover, fear that I will not satisfy my partner enough, that I will turn out to be "bad in bed". These fears create a great deal of tension that contributes to the actual problem. Then, the next time you try to have intercourse, an additional thought appears that it has been bad recently, which further aggravates the fear that it will be even worse this time. Please try to analyze the thoughts that arose before intercourse. It would be good to analyze them together with your partner and ask for her opinion. Rather, drugs are not used for this, rather, I would recommend specific exercises to you that may help. The point is that you should reduce your sensitivity to stimuli and learn to sense the moment when you are approaching ejaculation and then refrain from intercourse for a moment. Techniques reducing sensitivity to stimuli and prolonging intercourse are primarily masturbation ended with ejaculation before having sex with a partner, taken at least half an hour before intercourse (you must have time for the possibility of erection to return after ejaculation). Another way is to wear a condom to reduce the sensation of stimuli. Refraining from masturbating or from intercourse can make the problem worse because the urge is not released and you increase your sensitivity to stimuli. Other techniques that teach you to control your ejaculation and sense the moment of ejaculation require the involvement of your partner. The exercise is as follows: You lie on your back, your partner sits on you and you have sex. Your partner moves on you, Mr.instead, without moving, she closes her eyes and focuses on her feelings. When you feel a sudden increase in arousal, which may indicate that intercourse is approaching, you inform your partner to take the penis out of the vagina and hold it by pressing the bottom of your glans with your thumb and index finger. The compressions should last about 30 seconds. Then, when your agitation has subsided, continue having intercourse and repeat the exercise as many times as you need to. This is how you learn to recognize the signals coming from your body. You can repeat these exercises many times and be patient. If, after a month of using them, you do not notice any improvement, you should visit a sexologist who, in direct contact with you, will be able to offer more help.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Magdalena Krzak (Bogdaniuk)
Psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist and forensic sexologist. He has a Clinical Sexologist Certificate, awarded by the Polish Society of Sexology, after completing full specialization in clinical sexology in Warsaw, and a Court Sexologist Certificate. He deals with the treatment of sexual disorders in women and men. He works both individually and with couples. She conducts psychotherapy for victims of sexual violence. He conducts diagnostics and psychological support for transsexual people.
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