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I am with my husband 1.5 years after the wedding, we have a 15-month-old daughter. For some time it was good with us, but for 4 months my husband has changed beyond recognition. He works long at night and has a friend at work who seems to be the most important for him. In addition, he has stopped talking to me, he avoids me, he is irritated by myself when I try to explain something. He usually knocks me off saying he's tired. Such situations repeat themselves all the time. When he is at work, he cannot even call if everything is okay with us. The only topic about him is a colleague from work, joint plans to enroll in martial arts and how he and his colleague at work spend their time in a good way. I know this friend, I know that he is a young man who is alone and who takes my husband to parties and rebels against me. When I talk to my husband and tell him that this friend does not suit me, because I have justified fears, he attacks me and will not let me say a bad word to him. He has a completely indifferent attitude towards me. He has left home a couple of times. However, he always came back and promised that it would be fine. But it is not good. A day of peace and anger again, aggression towards me, indifference and treating our home like a hotel. I do not know what to do. How to behave in such a situation? I would like to add that when I do not talk to him and pretend to be indifferent, it is convenient for him.
Your husband is clearly going through a crisis. It may be related to your marriage, to the life that must have been brought about by some factor, either related to the marriage or related to the husband's other problems. Perhaps the problem was due to several factors - marital problems, change of life (giving birth to a child), which is a difficult stage in a man's life. Meeting a colleague and establishing a deeper acquaintance with him may further deepen the internal conflict. The life of this man is the opposite of your husband's life - without a partner, without obligations, he has time for himself, for parties and all kinds of entertainment - I think most men, when they become a father, even for a moment thought about losing such a life. This is obviously no excuse, because family maturity involves, among other things, giving up some aspects of life alone in favor of functioning with a partner and taking care of children. Another factor that can cause these types of problemsthere may be a husband's hidden, unacceptable homosexual orientation. Avoiding a relationship with a lady, returning home late, moving out and coming back again are evidence of a very strong internal conflict. On the other hand, you allow your husband to move out and move in … but how much can you live like this … I think that the situation is so difficult that you should make an appointment with a psychologist who will help you solve this problem. You have to make a difficult decision - whether to allow your husband to continue to treat his family in this way or to decide on an ultimatum and firmly protest against such behavior. Your firmness and clear definition of your position (I do not agree to such treatment) will force your husband to make a decision and move one way or the other. On the other hand, you should not allow your husband to move home once, move out once, and thus disrespect his family.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Magdalena Krzak (Bogdaniuk)
Psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist and forensic sexologist. He has a Clinical Sexologist Certificate, awarded by the Polish Society of Sexology, after completing full specialization in clinical sexology in Warsaw, and a Court Sexologist Certificate. He deals with the treatment of sexual disorders in women and men. He works both individually and with couples. She conducts psychotherapy for victims of sexual violence. He conducts diagnostics and psychological support for transsexual people.
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