I am with a man with whom I am happy and we plan to live together. I feel satisfied with him, he knows my needs, but for some time I have been bothered by his question whether I will agree to sex in a threesome (woman or man), and maybe even a quadrangle (marriage). We talk a lot about it, but I still have my doubts. She could agree, but what will happen next? Maybe this is a trivial question, but will his attitude towards me not change or will he start to think of me as the worst? I do not know what to do. I talk to him and even fantasize, but inside I feel fear. Please advise if his proposal is something normal? Will we not destroy our relationship through this experience?
I think that first of all you have to answer the following questions: "Do I really want this? What will I feel when I see my husband with another woman or a man? What will I feel when another man touches me?" If you really want it, then you can start considering the consequences and making a decision. However, if you do not want this situation, please make it clear to your partner. In order to engage in any unusual sexual behavior, there must be a clear consent and willingness of both partners, you cannot do something by force, because then it will definitely have a negative impact on your relationship. However, if you feel that you want to try it, it will be difficult to do. A small part of people ( although there are such) feel comfortable in such a situation and it does not affect their relationship, trust or love. To answer the question of whether this is normal - if you establish a rule in your relationship that you sometimes have intercourse with many partners, it will be accepted as your norm. It is not a disorder. It could become a disorder if you could not achieve sexual satisfaction other than by having sex with other partners or by observing your partner having sex with someone else. However, if you treat it as an addition, variety to your sex life, it is normal.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Magdalena Krzak (Bogdaniuk)
Psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist and forensic sexologist. She has a Clinical Sexologist Certificate, awarded by the Polish SocietySexology, after completing a full specialization in clinical sexology in Warsaw and a certificate of a forensic sexologist. He deals with the treatment of sexual disorders in women and men. He works both individually and with couples. She conducts psychotherapy for victims of sexual violence. He conducts diagnostics and psychological support for transsexual people.
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