New Year's resolutions are usually a rational decision. We just know that it's high time to quit smoking, take care of your diet or finally start playing sports. The problem is that our rational thinking is weaker than the underlying emotional motives in the unconscious. So the chances that we will succeed this time are slim if our resolve is not followed by a deeper motivation. The true purpose comes from the heart's desire, the inner conviction that this is our right path.
In order to effectively introduce changes in our lives, we must first of all focus on three levels: our internal motivation, supporting the environment and introducing new habits.
Research by the University of Scranton shows that although as many as 80% of us have New Year's resolutions, only 8% manage to keep them. Because effective changes should be introduced gradually, but systematically.
Internal motivation: what do you really want?
Before you write down your goal, ask yourself what you really want. Sometimes we only pursue something to impress others. Listen inside yourself. Do not think about your friends, family, but just think about yourself.
Answer the following questions: What is this change? Is this really what will make me happy? Is it my or others' desire? Why do I need this change? How will it affect me and my surroundings? What will the effects of the change be? What will be the consequences of staying at the present point? What will be the benefits of this change? Why is it profitable for me to make the effort to change? If not now, when … and if not me, who?
Pause with these questions and take time to think. Take your time, allow yourself quiet consideration. Discuss with an internal critic. Ask yourself difficult questions and answer honestly.
Once you have defined your goal, what you really want, accept the moment of change. Realize that there will be moments of weakness and, assuming them in advance, do not treat them as your failures, but as the next step on the road.
Change is not a revolution in our lives, but an evolution - a slow process that takes time and mindfulness. When you make a decision and set your goal, change your inner critic to your inner friend.It will be easier for you in difficult moments when it happens that you will be on the way to returning to an old habit. A critic will trample you down and a friend will pick you up. Be good to yourself.
Find a support group
The support of the environment plays a huge role in changing habits from bad to good. Look among your friends for people who have a similar goal to yours or have already achieved what you are striving for. Try to keep in touch with them. Having a similar goal to your acquaintance, you can motivate each other together, keep your spirits up, and help in times of doubt. By talking to a person who is already at the point at which you are striving, you can seek advice, receive a valuable clue. He can become your mentor.
Take advantage of the knowledge and experience of others. To support yourself in finding your way and making changes in your life, you can take advantage of development workshops, join the circle of people interested in this topic, read development magazines and books. Undoubtedly, one of the most effective forms of support is psychotherapy. The psychotherapist will help you define this true goal and go through the stages of change. The psychotherapist does not judge, but thanks to his knowledge he will help you find the right path for you. It will motivate you to continue to act, despite the emerging doubts. The biggest work is in changing habits and in discovering unconscious motives that can block development. Then the therapist's support is invaluable. - says Justyna Rokicka, psychologist, psychotherapist, co-founder of the searamterapeuty.pl search engine
Change habits
Especially if they are harmful habits. The hardest part is breaking the vicious cycle, which is to stop doing something that is harmful but for some reason is an emotional need. And although you feel terrible after that, you make yourself feel better by doing what is harmful for you …
And again, there is no "golden mean" for everyone that would miraculously change us, suddenly strengthen our will and guarantee success.Changing habits requires self-discipline and time.Working with a psychotherapist is certainly of great importance when changing habits. The specialist uses various types of strategies, adapting them to a specific person. But the techniques used are only helpful tools.
- Change occurs as a result of a complex process based on conscious analysis and unconscious mechanisms. - adds Justyna Rokicka.
Change is good as long as we change consciously, in harmony with ourselves, identifying what we really want.
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