I am 35 years old, have higher education and a job. I have no children and I feel lonely. I can't make a life for myself, the relationships in which I was crumbled and it is largely due to my fault … Currently, I am with a man whom I love very much. We are wonderful, but … I have a problem with communication. I can't talk about what hurts me, and when I make up my mind or I'm having a bad day, I take everything out. And then it ends in a terrible row because I can't contain my emotions. In addition, a small amount of alcohol is enough and I go into terrible hysteria, even aggression that I cannot control. And that's exactly what happened a few days ago. During this argument, He couldn't stand it and hit me and found that He couldn't live with that person. I care about this relationship, we gave ourselves a few days to think about everything. What to do? I am afraid to go to a psychologist
Lack of control over emotions is not a trivial problem. Especially when it concerns not controlling anger, which turns into aggression - verbal or direct. Such behavior can destroy our plans, it can frustrate our dreams and destroy even the most promising relationships. And relationships are something we care about in our lives. From what you write it appears that you are quite a self-aware person. You know what your weak points are and what is or could be the triggering point of that "demon" in you. It is definitely incorrect communication and alcohol. Communication can be worked on - it can be changed, improved, it can be effectively controlled. And you can refuse yourself alcohol for a while for the sake of a better and more important cause. It is important to make communicating with each other as simple as possible. Always talk about one thing, do not mix threads, get to the end of a stage and only start something else. Do not use generalities, talk about specifics, about yourself and not about the other person, do not use emotional words such as "always", "never", "everything" and so on. You should also ask a lot, get to know the details, empathize with the other person, but not forcefully what he meant. I don't know exactly what causes these emotional outbursts in your relationship, but it usually happens that in every relationship there is at least one inflammatory topic that usually leads to misunderstandings.Think about what it might be with you. If you can't come to terms with it yet, maybe leave it for a while and practice reaching agreement on some easier topics. And I would recommend you, despite your fear and anxiety, to make up your mind and go to a good psychologist who would help you develop communication skills and control this anger. It comes from somewhere and it would be good to find out why she is so "unbridled". Controlling alone for a while may be enough, but it's best to prevent possible causes.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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