Hello. I am 33 years old. I have been divorced since 2006, have a 6 year old daughter and have been living with my new partner for a long time. My daughter accepted my fiancé and he accepted her. We are like a real family that I have always dreamed of. But this is about myself. I am very jealous towards my new partner, which I associate with low self-esteem. Wherever he goes, I'm afraid he will meet someone and leave me. I am aware of what is happening to me, but I cannot overcome it in myself. There is also the fact that I don't like myself. I also associate these things with my mother, who was overprotective of me. I have grown into a fearful person, I am not prepared to make decisions on my own, I cannot do many things, I am afraid of every step, I think that I cannot do anything, that nobody likes me, that I am a strange person at all. I also noticed that I have few friends, no one is looking for my company. I achieved the fact that I passed my driving license and went to college, but I can't learn, I can't do it and I'm at the end of giving up on them. I'm afraid of every question. Much to mention. I used to see a psychologist, but after a dozen or so meetings, I found out that he was not helping me. Then I attended an individual psychotherapeutic session, but the finances did not allow me to continue it. Now, I think my depression and helplessness in the face of what I have described are getting more and more deep. I've always envied my older brother that he can handle everything and is capable. Everything is going well for him. I will also say that from June I will have a permanent job as a music therapist, which is also my field of study (I am after occupational therapy). I am terrified of this job, that I will not be able to do it, that I will not show my best side and I will lose it …
Hello!
You don't appreciate yourself and your achievements. You are a brave woman and you do your best. You should be proud of yourself and start enjoying every good moment, every good day. Sure it's not easy, but you have to start somewhere. You exaggerate your failures and stumbles, it seems as if your whole life depended on them at once. But there are few such events on which a lot would depend. No little thing or no human gaze disqualifies you, does not detract from what you have already achieved. Try to see yourself differently - you are heregrown up (very grown up!) no matter what and how your mother did - now you have a chance to change everything. Now is your life and it is only up to you what will happen next. You have a daughter, a partner, you have a chance for a good, nice life. Failures happen, failures happen, many stumbles still await you, but also a lot of good. You're afraid - it's understandable. It's just that the more a person is afraid, the more he is closed to new experiences. Thus, less chance of seeing how well he is doing. Whatever you do and whatever you decide, the sun will rise tomorrow and it will rain, if it is going to rain. Your fears (for example of leaving) will not save you from anything, and paradoxically, they can trigger something. Take care of your relationship, take care of your new family, keep it fun, but don't forget about yourself. Find out what you like, what you are like, what are your plans and dreams and try to make them come true. Nobody else has anything to do with what they are - don't pay much attention to what other people say. Hear and… do your job. Even when you are afraid, act. Nobody has died from such everyday fear - it is unpleasant and that's it. One must overcome fear, tame it, live with it, but not submit to its dictatorship. Start reading motivating books, optimistic positions that will cheer you up for yourself. Start with Susan Jeffers "Despite Fear" and don't compare yourself to others. You are what you are - neither better nor worse. Better than others than others, and everyone is like that. If you accept this truth deeply (!) Truly, a lot will change. When it comes to such "truths", it is not enough to know them, you have to accept them and accept them.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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