How not to quickly get acquainted with a newly met man? I am 29 years old and I want to get married very much. I also need sex, but I avoid it because I often meet men who cannot guarantee anything else for me. I fantasize a lot and meditate in the initial stage of the relationship, and even more so when it comes to sexual intercourse. I feel that I have no internal borders, I cannot build them, because I am naturally consumed by dreams. I would like to gain full control over my emotions in relation to men, because as far as I know, they need time, and I have lost a lot in my life due to my own attitude.

I have the impression that your problem requires clarification. In any case, I do not fully understand what it means for you to engage in a new relationship with a man and you have not written what your fantasies and dreams are about. In trying to understand what was going on, I imagined you might be experiencing a kind of compulsion to agree to a man's advances and sexual initiative. In such a case, there would be a more general difficulty in saying "no", not only in the sexual sphere, but also in other areas of life. You would then have to establish the risk of refusing you. Another possibility is that sex is a big attraction for you and then unfortunately it is difficult to forbid it, although you can work on not harming yourself with it. Another possibility is that your fantasies and dreams are very important to you, and sex stimulates them and gives them energy. Maybe it is worth contacting a psychotherapist who will help you define the problem. When it comes to psychological workshops, I advise you to browse the websites of psychotherapeutic centers. Maybe you will find something for yourself in their offer.

Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.

Józef Sawicki

A specialist in individual therapies with many years of psychotherapeutic experience. In clinical work, she deals with psychotic patients. He is interested in the philosophy of the East. More at www.firma-jaz.pl.

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