My husband is silent, I hardly ever argued with him, because I had no reason, but if there was any argument or conversation, my husband is silent as a stone. I never know why. I can't get a word out of him. Now he has a problem with alcohol, but he says he doesn't. I left him alone, because I can't come to an understanding with him anyway. We walk side by side like two strangers, we don't speak to each other. I've tried to smooth things over a few times, but after a few days it's the same, How do I get to him?
Silent men are more of a standard than an exception. In general, as a gender, they have difficulty communicating matters that are important to them, not to mention emotions. It would be good to analyze several aspects - has the husband always been like this? If so, why expect it to change? If he wasn't, then maybe he thinks he doesn't need to speak anymore, just to let you know that nothing has changed. Maybe it was also the case that you couldn't talk to each other for a long time, the conversations led to misunderstandings, you couldn't meet on any common ground - hence his withdrawal and discouragement. In such a situation, the mere asking of the question "why" does not lead to anything and even deepens his reluctance, because he feels questioned about an object he does not know. I don't have enough information to advise on anything specific. Maybe your husband does have a problem, but you don't want to worry, and maybe it's okay for him that you don't talk. At the beginning, please try to talk on trivial topics, ask him simple questions, but such that he has to express his opinion - what he likes, what he doesn't, what he thinks about it, etc. You will get to the serious issues later. Please also do not attribute bad intentions to your husband, because it affects how you perceive the whole situation. If the matter is serious, nothing will change, then please go (maybe yourself) to a therapist who deals with relationship therapy. If it's just a communication problem, it can be alleviated quickly.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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