We live in the world of the cult of youth. We associate it with the best: beauty, he alth, success, vitality. And old age? Old age is ugly, sick, and infirm. We defend ourselves against it of all! But are we happier then? These and other questions are answered by psychologist Katarzyna Platowska.

Supporters of total-natural, who proclaim that wrinkles or gray hair are a piece of our history and do not need to be ashamed of them, belong to a definite minority. Most women, and more and more men, become slaves to eternal youth.

The cult of youth, or why we absolutely want to stop time

We spend a fortune every year to stop the aging process. Aesthetic surgery clinics that perform rejuvenating treatments spring up like mushrooms after rain. In the German Black Forest, a clinic has been established in which ladies undergo nourishing and rejuvenating treatments with the use of… women's bearings. The plant is located near the maternity hospital which supplies him with this precious and rare "cosmetic raw material". Apparently, there is no shortage of willing people, a place is expected to be available for several months.

In America, one of the clinics infuses its "eternally young" patients with … the blood of young women, in order to rejuvenate their hormonal and mitochondrial material. It was suspected that the patient of such a clinic was, among others Tina Turner, who doesn't seem to be aging at all for half a century. Model Kate Moss was also handed over to rejuvenating specialists, famous for having hanging mirrors all over the house and looking at her face several times in a magnifying mirror every day. All this to catch the appearance of the first wrinkles as soon as possible and immediately declare war on them.

Fear of wrinkles makes women in their twenties sleepless. Almost a quarter of men under 30 use chemical peelings or microdermabrasions (mechanical deep exfoliation of the epidermis) in beauty salons. An eighteen-year-old girl was sent to one of the cosmetic institutes, broken by the appearance of crow's feet. Where does this drug in us come from, this desire to keep our young appearance? - The approach to age is slightly different in different cultures - says Katarzyna Platowska, psychologist and therapist. - For example, in Asian cultures old people are respected and considered wiseand respectfully cared for. Similarly in Africa: there lives a tribe where a small child is taken from its mother and given to its grandmother for upbringing. The future of children and shaping their character are entrusted to elderly, wise and stable women. A Hasidic proverb says: "The welfare of society depends on the way elders are treated." So why in Western culture old people are not looked at, often treated unkindly and with a feeling of superiority?

Important

Ageorexia is panic strife before old age

Statistics alert: as much as 15 percent Poles under 40 cannot accept the fact that their bodies are getting old. Retaining youth is more important to them than caring for good family relationships. Fear of the passage of time takes a disturbing form for some people, causing a new (after anorexia, tanorexia or orthorexia) type of disorder:ageorexia(from the English word age - age), pathological desire to stay young. A study conducted for several decades by scientists from the University of Southern California showed that men feel happier with age, women feel happier with age. They are happier until they are 48 years old. Then their satisfaction with their work, love and family life begins to decline, while men learn to enjoy family life and enjoy what they have gained (also financially).

Forever young or reconciled with old age

We Westerners fear what old age inevitably leads to: death. Death is incompatible with Western culture. As we get older, we start to think about it more and more, but there is still a long way from realizing to making peace. The Japanese believe that beauty lasts only a moment, until the flower withers, until the peel of the fruit wrinkles in the frost. And just as wilting is part of flower beauty, so death is part of life. Throughout their lives, while meditating, they get used to passing, inevitably leaving. On the other hand, in Christian culture, while heaven awaits us after death, we don't really know what's on the other side. Death is untamed, no one teaches us to accept its terrifying inevitability.

The oldest marathon runner - Buster Martin, participant in the last (in 2008) London Marathon. The elderly runner is 101 years old. Before him, the record holder was the 98-year-old Greek Dimitrion Yordanidis, who ran in the Athens marathon in 1976.

- Reflection on the passage of time and its good use comes quite late, when we already experience this passage on our own skin - says the psychologist. - Thisthat is why old age is the most afraid of us even before the age of 40, and after the age of 60 it scares us less. We do not want to accept old age not only because of the fear of death. We are also afraid of loss of fitness, disease and suffering. - And fitness in old age depends on the lifestyle in … youth - adds Platowska. - And one more thing: each age has its privileges. When you are one year old, you can run on the beach barefoot, when you are 10 years old, not necessarily. After 60 we are smart, we are no longer thrilled by emotions, we are proud of our achievements. We can also quit our job and do what we like best.

The oldest mountaineer - Japanese Tomiyasu Ishikawa. At 65, he climbed the highest mountain in the world - Mount Everest. Six years later, he climbed 4,897 meters above sea level. the peak of the Vinson massif in Antarctica. Thus, he became a member of the elite club of conquerors of the 7 highest peaks of the world on 7 continents, the so-called Crowns of the Earth.

The fear of old age is the greater, the less opportunities we have for close, daily contact with the elderly. From a distance, we mainly see their less physical fitness, loss of beauty, sometimes bitterness and loneliness. We have no chance to see their wisdom, dignity, gentleness, reconciliation with life and its acceptance. In the past, we lived in multi-generational families, so we could observe the seniors of the family, draw from their knowledge and experience, and grow up in the shadow of their authority.

The eldest father - Namu Ram Jogi is 92 years old and is a farmer from India. The record-breaking baby, Grij's daughter, is his 21st child.

Media and patriarchy - two reasons for the triumph of the cult of youth

The media play a great role in the glorification of youth. Everywhere you look, everywhere are full of images of joyful, energetic twenty- or thirty-year-olds. Everything will sell if advertised by a young person. A good life is equated with youth, beauty and a slim figure. We have this image so deeply entrenched that it even seems to us that only young, beautiful and slim people have the right to be happy. Therefore, we are trying desperately to catch up with this picture. It is especially hard for women. Why? Our society is still more patriarchal than partnership-like. It is still men who play the first fiddle and set the rules. And they are simple: most males in a partner do not value qualities of character and numerous talents, but beauty, the fact that she is good in bed, serve a hot meal and iron a shirt. They will satisfy themselves intellectually at work. And the women who dream of a white dress and a man by their side since childhood, playaccording to these rules. But with age, a woman loses the qualities for which the world arranged by men values ​​her the most. She loses her youth, beauty, can no longer bear children, which means she loses value … - Therefore, when the relationship begins to deteriorate, the woman does not sign up for a Spanish course, but rushes to the beautician - says the psychologist. - It is the women who, after many years of marriage, see that their husbands are starting to look for younger ones, constitute the majority of clients of cosmetic surgery clinics.

Natural turn of fate

It is easier to come to terms with the inevitable passage of time for those who have lived well. The point is to survive and close important stages that naturally follow each other in life. - When we are 20, the time comes to look for a partner, get married and give birth to children - explains Platowska. - We are young, slim, attractive. In our 30s we usually have a stable professional and family situation. Ten years later, the children and husband need less of us and we have more time to ourselves. So we begin to slowly turn to our inner self, to the spiritual life, to ask the question: "who am I and what is the purpose of my existence?"

The oldest employee - Waldo McBurney, lives in the USA and is a beekeeper. She is 104 years old.

If the next steps were at the right time, were not skipped or extended (e.g. a wedding after 40), it will be easier for us to behave, feel and dress appropriately according to age, not to cling to the years that have passed.

Who wants to be young anyway?

It happens that a stage is empty, it means that there was time for something that has not been completed. This happens when there is, for example, time to enter into relationships, but we focus on a career, carefree, fun or no obligations. This is fine when we are 20, but it already gets a bit dangerous when we are in our 30's. Time goes by and we are still not taking the step that should have been taken then. As a result, we will want to keep this age, the time when we were 20 or 30 - so we will do various "tricks": inject ourselves with botox; perform an operational li fting, model the body with a scalpel, which over time also changes in a natural way, etc. - We come into the world so that our souls mature - says the psychologist. - At each stage of our lives, we have a lesson to do, so we also meet other people on our path. If the lesson is not done, it will be repeated over and over again. This coincides with the assumption of psychology that we are clinging to unfinished stages. And it happens that when a forty-year-old woman first tries to get alonglife, she may have difficulties for a man to meet her expectations - because his expectations are at the level of … starting her 20-year-old life. The passage of time will not be afraid of a woman who has a good, devoted partner and a successful marriage. Who had managed to establish a deep, real bond with the man, and who saw that this bond was not only about the fact that he liked him physically, but that they had many more important things in common, something deeper. Such a woman ceases to focus on her own body and appearance, because she was not loved too smoothly. If in addition she had children, raised them and now sees that they are nice people and can be proud of them, she has a feeling that she has achieved a lot in her life.

Oldest driver - the late Fred Harold Hale (died in 2004). He renewed his driving license at 104 years old and drove the car for 6 more years.

- The clients of aesthetic surgeons are often women who have younger partners and try not to "stand out" from them - adds the psychologist. - They are often ladies who started looking for partners late, and men their age were already busy. Women, who from childhood were valued mainly for their beauty, are also overly attached to their youth. They've heard they're daddy's princesses because they're so pretty. And they begin to identify beauty with the fact that they are worthy of love. From childhood, they learn to use beauty as a decoy, and as adults they mainly use these skills. When making a career, they also benefit from attractiveness, because bosses are often guided by their appearance when recruiting. But although everything seems to be easy for them, internally they have a lot of fear, confusion and insecurity. They lack a sense of security - because everything that happens is external. Such people have very low self-esteem. And as they start getting older, they lose the only foundation of self-esteem they had.

This will be useful to you

Love doesn't look at age

The oldest groom said the sacramental "yes" at the age of 102. It was a resident of Kaunas, Stanislovas Grigas, who married 76-year-old Brone Mikutiene. The wedding took place in 2007. The oldest bride was the British Bess Atkins last year. At the age of 94, she entered her second marriage. Her chosen one is 8 years younger.

Youth is not only a firm body

So how to find a balance in this world fixated on youth? After all, the fight against time is doomed to failure - no one has managed to stop it yet. - It is worth restoring the proper hierarchy of values ​​- advises Platowska. - For most of our lives we do not think about anything, we buy the pulp sold bycolorful magazines and television. We live superficially. It is difficult for us to focus, to contact something deeper and real that constitutes the value of our existence. And you have to stop. Seek solitude from time to time, meditate, hear your thoughts, see what's important. Only then are we able to come to any conclusions and there is a good chance that these conclusions will be good for us, conducive to maturation and development. Because the key is not only to age, but also to mature over time. The words of the sage are still relevant: "A man who at the age of 50 sees the world in the same way as he did at the age of 20, wasted 30 years of his life." So let's turn to spiritual life - it will help to accept the passage of time. It's also a good idea to think back and see if there was anything in the past that should have been done but not left. Driving license postponed for 15 years, flamenco course you have always dreamed of - it's good to find any "arrears" and make up for them. Fulfilling our dreams will give us the feeling that we are fully alive.

It is also worth seeing and understanding that taking care of others than yourself gives more joy and satisfaction. Therefore, instead of undergoing further rejuvenating treatments (painful and costly), it is better to help an elderly neighbor in shopping or organize a collection of books for the local library. From an early age, you should also look for contact with "tribal elders" - grandparents, grandmothers, older neighbors or parents' friends. Thanks to this, we will learn to value them and learn about the benefits of mature age. This will make it easier for us to welcome the first wrinkles on our own face and accept the moment when we ourselves will be more "elders" than young warriors. - Besides, youth is not only the lack of wrinkles - emphasizes Platowska. - Youth is also our willingness to live, explore the world, enjoy it, be open to life and people, not to give up when something goes wrong. It is a more important dimension of youth than just a young body. However, you can see the first swallows of changes. Even in obsessively "young" America! In the world, and also in Poland, the Hollywood film "Mamma Mia!" - with Meryl Streep, who enjoys life, accepts her age (turns 60), has never had plastic surgery and looks great.

monthly "Zdrowie"

Category:

Psychology