Macho, don Juan, cold bastard … And women cling to cold bastards like moths to fire. And they are often mutilated afterwards. And yet they keep trying. Some dream of hugging a strong man, others hope that the seducer will turn into a faithful husband for them.
Cold bastard, macho, don Juan- who is he? And why should women avoid guys like this if they are thinking of a serious relationship? Justyna Urszulska (30) was married for four years. - I fell in love with a responsible, educated gentleman. I married a promising lawyer, and after three years I ran away from a guy who did nothing at home, treated me instrumentally and had no interest in the child at all. The most important thing for him was his "I" changed in all cases - he tells in one breath about the different turns of his relationship. She adds embittered: - And now a man with a salary of four zeros is illegally deducting 70 zlotys from alimony because he has purchased a subscription for his child in a private clinic. This is how daddy cares about his daughter's he alth - Justyna cannot help but be angry.
She recently heard an anecdote, which she does not laugh at, but likes it very much: - How does a young man behave today when he learns that his girlfriend is in a different state? She thinks for a long time, then seats her in front of him and explains: "You know I'm responsible, right? Well, I can't support the three of us, so I'm leaving."
Who is this cold bastard
- We sometimes call someone that indulgently and jokingly, but most often it is a negative term - says Waldemar Dulęba, a psychologist from the Synapsis clinic in Warsaw. - And then the cold bastard is someone who needs others only to meet his own needs. For him, the basic value is complacency. Other people are not partners for him. He only needs them and uses them, just like objects. He can be both a man and a woman - says the psychologist.
In common opinion, a cold bastard is a guy. There is as much contempt in this expression as admiration. Barbara Stanisławska, the author of the biography of the writer Marek Hłasko, said of him: "He had adventures with prostitutes and Hollywood stars. He was usually involved in several romances at once. At the same time, he offered marriage to two women, assuring each that onlyshe might be his wife. And what love letters he wrote! Dozens of recipients and each of them the only one, loved madly. But it was just a game. He felt great in the role of a tender lover. "
Like don Juan: conquers and abandons
A foreign journalist (gentleman over 60, just got married for the sixth time) says that recently a young nephew asked him how to successfully pick up girls because he failed. "Ba," replied the old gentleman, "if I had known, I would not have married so many times." For many women, marriage is still a value in itself, the goal of life. For men - not necessarily.
Krzysztof Grzeczkowski, a 50-year-old architect, is like Hłasko ("he seduces every woman, loves no one"). The third wife and the endless row of lover. Some for longer, others for a shorter period. A few years ago, one of his friends gave birth to an illegitimate child and publicly stated that he was the father. She probably hoped it would get him to marry. Nothing of that. He proposed to his current wife after nine years of living together when their son was four. The marriage, though with storms, survived. And he still manages to shine among the ladies. The friends pay alimony and visit their little daughter twice a week.
- Women think about relationships in a more complicated way than men - says Krzysztof Grzeczkowski. - A guy can be happy with two partners at the same time. And he does not deceive anyone, because in every relationship: both in marriage and in romance, he looks for something else and finds something else. This does not need to be complicated. It is women who imagine much more, they expect more. Where there is friendship and pleasure, they invent love. That's why so many men run away.
Worth knowingI'm already such a cold bastard
I'm fine with it, no doubt,
Because this is the point,
That I don't care,
I'm already such a cold bastard
(refrain of a song sung by Eugeniusz Bodo, a lover of Polish pre-war cinema, in the film "Pieśniarz Warszawy" from 1934)
Like a macho: tough and ruthless
Kinga met her macho in college. Charming, intelligent, seductive, well-mannered. Lonely. Women were crazy about him. She lasted in a stable relationship for several months. - It was a never-ending game, a theater for two actors and two spectators. Not a moment of rest or a sense of stability. Sex only when he wanted it and for as long as he wanted, and then he would get up immediately or turn his back, and I had the impression that he was just forgetting about me. Kinga couldn't agree to that. She ran away aftershe spent 4 hours by the window with her nose glued to the glass. She waited for her man and got tired of trying to guess where and with whom he was cheating on her. She was fed up with his calculations. After a few years, they met again. - He hasn't changed his habits. Nevertheless, I fell into the trap of his charm again. - By the power of reason, she broke away after a few weeks. And from then on, he makes sure that they do not meet anywhere by accident. She knows she has to avoid him.
Women try to rationalize their behavior after their experiences:
- I often think that I shouldn't expect loy alty from guys and then everything would be simple - says Justyna Urszulska.
There is a reason
According to Waldemar Dulęba, what women perceive as calculating may prove that cold bastards are emotionally immature. - Young children are forcing adults to cry to meet their expectations. And some adult men have charm and sex for this purpose.
According to the psychologist, we often draw patterns from childhood. If we have learned that all our wishes are fulfilled, no matter how we behave, if our parents make no demands on us, then we believe that we are en titled to everything and that the world should fulfill our whims.
Sex is just a way to relax
Zofia Milska-Wrzosińska, psychologist and therapist, author of the book "Bezradnik" (about relations between men and women) once described how a devoted husband, whose previous marriage had broken up due to his constant betrayals, used to visit escort agencies . He explained to his indignant wife: “It doesn't matter, like entering the toilet. I just have to discharge sometimes. I would even prefer there was a shooting range somewhere nearby. Well, it's not what I have to do. "
- There would be no cold bastards, conquerors, hunters, if not for women who want to pair with them. Just like in economy, there must be demand and supply at the same time - explains Waldemar Dulęba. In his opinion, in relationships where one person treats the other instrumentally, both are emotionally immature. - A woman often knows that a man who tries to interest her is known for his numerous conquests. And yet she accepts his advances. It may be important for a woman that she is noticed by a seducer; he chose her from among many. And everyone hopes that she will become the one and only one, with which he will stay forever.
People keep repeating the same mistakes. Most women think that they will change the man they love. It does not matter whether he drinks excessively, whether he is a slut, a strangler, a jealous person or a female boxer. It can also be coldbastard. If they fail this time, they try their luck with the next gentleman with more energy.
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