More and more people find themselves in a situation that requires combining the responsibilities of caring for an aging parent and raising or supporting a still learning child. And all this with your own professional activity. So there are many obligations - how to reconcile them?
Caring for an adolescent child and aging parent is quite a challenge. The methods of dealing with such a situation will depend on many factors, e.g. the degree of independence of an aging parent, the relationship with an adolescent child, the he alth and mental resources of the caregiver, the type of work performed or the place where one lives. There are many differentiating factors, but some issues, regardless of them, arise in almost every situation of this type.
How does excess duties affect the caregiver?
People who combine these types of duties, let's call them caregivers, often experience a state of constant exhaustion, a feeling of helplessness, exclusion or neglecting their needs.
Connecting so many responsibilities, even if motivated by love and caring for loved ones, causes too much emotional stress and often physical ailments. The fact that the caregiver wants the best for his parent and child does not mean that he or she does not experience fatigue and all its consequences related to the excess of commitments and the deficit of time needed to regenerate and fulfill their own needs and plans.
The organization of family, professional and personal life becomes a kind of acrobatics that requires sacrifices, concentration and almost constant readiness. In such a situation, caregivers may experience problems with sleep, concentration, irritability and he alth difficulties resulting from functioning in conditions of chronic stress. Some of the negative he alth effects, e.g. backaches or joint pains, often result from the need to help an incompetent parent, e.g. by frequent lifting, assistance in moving, which require a lot of effort.
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Memory training for seniors
Rememberalso that people who combine the responsibilities of caring for an elderly parent and an adolescent child are themselves at the age when there is a natural greater need to take care of their he alth. Caregivers often begin to experience the first signs of aging from being middle-aged.
It cannot be ignored that both caring functions require different resources and a different perspective. As a parent of an adolescent child, the caregiver usually focuses on supporting development and education, usually with the goal of making the children independent.
A carer for an aging parent usually focuses on taking care of, securing basic needs, and above all taking care of his he alth. At the same time, he is aware of the passing time and the inevitability of deteriorating he alth and the degree of independence of the parent.
Both types of support usually require the involvement of additional financial resources, which imposes an additional obligation to remain active as long as possible in order to obtain the appropriate amount of funds.
The situation in which the parent is a "prone" person requiring almost constant care is fundamentally different from the situation in which the parent requires immediate support. In the first case, the caregiver is almost completely excluded from life, significantly limits social contacts and rarely has the opportunity to regenerate. The emotional costs it incurs in such a situation are also enormous. Accompanying a loved one in suffering, sadness or frustration every day, being a support for them, despite their own difficulties experienced every day, is a challenge in itself.
The necessity to reconcile so many roles is extremely difficult, but it does not mean that caregivers are doomed to a trap of excess duties. It is worth trying to introduce even a tiny change to the way you operate to make it easier for yourself.
Emergency plan for the caregiver
Don't isolate yourself
Social relationships are a factor mitigating the effects of excessive stress. Time for a meeting with a friend or even a phone call is extremely important. Setting aside even an hour a week for this is an investment in the caregiver's well-being. A momentary springboard will allow you to recharge your batteries a bit, catch a distance to everyday life and keep your head busy with other topics.
Support from other people
Isolation and a sense of loneliness intensify the other negative effects of being a guardian. It is worth taking advantage of the offer of various associations and foundations that deal with the subject of care for the elderly, a specific disease or bring together teenagers' parents.
It may turn out that you do not need to break down a door that has already been opened. In such a place you can exchange experiences, see how others cope with difficulties characteristic of the same situation, take advantage of social, psychological and legal counseling, take part in support groups.
Check what you can influence
Being empowered helps you stay in balance. Take a look at your weekly schedule or individual days. Maybe there is a time during the day that depends entirely on you? Even an hour that you can consciously use according to your preferences. You may find that you are able to limit your contacts with someone who is adversely affecting you. The more decisions and the regained control over life, the easier it is to keep balance with excess responsibilities.
Realize your passions
Do not forget about what gives you strength, relaxes and is a springboard. Even if it were to be stolen from the quarter-hour schedule, it is worth devoting it to whatever you want. Drawing, reading your favorite literature, or maybe sports. Check if it is impossible to weave your beloved activity into the time spent with the child and / or parent.
Give it up
Combining the role of a carer for an elderly person with bringing up a growing child, while maintaining professional activity, is quite an ambitious plan. Check if you have to implement all elements of this project at 100%? In such conditions, it is worth getting rid of perfectionism in order to be good enough. Learning to distinguish between more and less important things and to notice the completely unimportant is also extremely helpful. Do you really need to get extra money for a new baby phone while the old phone is still working? Do you always have to prepare your own dinner if there is a bar with homemade dishes nearby?
Be assertive
Since you already know that the situation you are in is difficult and requires a lot from you, do not agree to additional burdens. Getting started is hard, but you can learn to keep your own limits. An excess of small favors for friends or an additional on-call duty at work are unnecessary burdens in excess of duties.
Get help
The excess of responsibilities often escapes the fact that we do not have to do everything ourselves. Perhaps it is worth involving other family members in caring for a senior. It is worth checking whether there is any additional support from a guardian under the existing social welfare system. You will have enough strength and motivation for a longer time, if you use even the smallest help.
Take care of the conditionphysical
If you are to be a support for a child and an elderly parent, you must not underestimate your he alth. Check-ups and not underestimating he alth problems as soon as they appear is an investment in yourself and for the benefit of the people you help.
Psychological support
Long-term stress and the accompanying emotions and thoughts is a topic worth working on in a psychologist's office. Prolonged sadness, a sense of helplessness or negative emotions towards loved ones caused by the situation are reasons enough to use psychological support.