The death of a peer, apart from a sense of loss and grief, may evoke reflections on passing away and summaries. Each generation is confronted with a moment when we realistically experience our mortality. It is not easy, but how to deal with the death of a co-age?
The death of a peer , as well as the loss of a loved one in general, is usually associated with feeling sad. Almost every person builds a network of non-family relationships, friends as well as close and distant acquaintances create a community that is associated with many areas of life.
These relationships are built, among others, on shared views, experiences or passions and fulfill many roles in everyday life. With time, in each group, individual members experience crises, break-ups, he alth problems or death, and each of these events has an impact on the group.
Everyone, sooner or later, has to face the death of a friend or colleague of someone who was important, significant, whose loss causes pain and leaves a void. When people of our age begin to depart, reflections on passing, achieved goals or yet unfulfilled dreams almost naturally pop up in the head.
Despite the fact that we experience the death of an equal-year-old differently, differently a parent or a child, the mourning process in most people usually follows a constant rhythm. Mourning is a process of getting used to the loss of a loved one, adapting to new conditions of functioning. The pattern of experiencing the death of a loved one in most people follows a constant dynamic. Often the awareness that mourning has its own rhythm and that everyone experiences it in a similar way allows a time of intense emotions to pass a little easier. It is worth remembering that despite the common denominator of mourning, everyone experiences its stages individually. It is important to give yourself time for each of them, and accompanying the person who has lost someone to provide them with a sense of acceptance and understanding.
Death of a peer: how to deal?
Feel all emotionseven if they are difficult, unpleasant and very intense. Do not inhibit them, do not defend yourself against them, express and experience them fully, this is the best catalyst for the grief process. However, if you feel that the wave of anger or sadness is over yoursstrength, or you see it starting to destroy other areas of your life, consider enlisting the help of a psychologist.
Don't be afraid to ask for support from your relatives . Asking for help can be difficult for many people, but it is worth using the help of loved ones when we feel that the world is collapsing. The time spent together or at least the opportunity to cry to someone on the phone can give you a respite while experiencing intense emotions.
Take time . Usually it takes about a year to experience the full bereavement process. It is a time full of challenges: strong emotional agitation, rebuilding various aspects of life, creating interpersonal relationships anew or on different principles. It is not worth making difficult life decisions or making further changes in this period, as long as the situation allows it. Take time to experience these emotions, express them, and get back into balance.
Get help from a specialist . If you have the impression that the next phases of mourning take too long or are too intense, it is worth consulting a psychologist. The support of an objective person who will listen without evaluation and help you through the phases can be of great help. It also happens that the relationship with the deceased person was so strong that the body's natural ability to cope with the loss is not enough. In this case, a consultation with a psychiatrist should be considered. Ad hoc drug therapy may be helpful in many cases.
Experiencing mourning in connection with the death of a peer, we often get reflections on passing and our own life achievements. Confronting the fleeing time and crossing the next decades of life is often accompanied by two extreme beliefs. One is related to the tendency to withdraw excessively, for example: "I don't feel right anymore" (the feeling of losing the right to feel joy, make dreams come true) and the other - generating taking up activity while neglecting previous experiences and achievements, for example: "What harms me since there is little life left ".
As with everything, it is also worth to be moderate in your reactions to the passing of time. Making these small everyday decisions and the big life decisions under the influence of sadness and loss or fear of the passing life rarely bring the expected result.
Repelling the right to your idea on yourself just because it "does not fall out" is a huge limitation that we throw on our own neck. At the same time, falling to the other extreme by losing ourselves in the possibilities that lie open before us, caused by the fear of death, oftencarries the risk of underestimating the goals already achieved.
In reflecting on death, when planning changes in life, it is worth appreciating what relationships have been built so far, what professional successes have already been achieved, without pretending that what was the content of life so far is without meaning and values .
When the mourning after the death of a teenager goes through the stages and you decide that you already have the strength to rebuild, take a moment to reflect in several areas:
Appreciate what has already been achieved and built. Do not underestimate your past experiences, even if you want to make significant changes in your life.
Check what you need, what you really want to change, what to try. Let the changes result from you and your needs, not the fear of the passing of time.
If you see yourself going to the other extreme and withdrawing excessively from your activity, then take a look at it. Check whether the reluctance to change is your need for peace and stability, or whether it results from the belief and fear of evaluating others, resulting from the belief that it is not appropriate to do something at a certain age.
Give yourself time to mourn, use whatever help is available to make it easier.
Let the loss of a friend after mourning be an inspiration for further life, help in setting your own new goals or returning to those that used to be important.
About the authorPatrycja Szeląg-JaroszPsychologist, coach, personal development trainer. She gained professional experience working in the field of psychological support, crisis intervention, professional activation and coaching.He specializes in the area of life coaching, supporting the client in improving the quality of life, strengthening self-esteem and active self-esteem, maintaining life balance and effectively dealing with the challenges of everyday life. She has been associated with non-governmental organizations in Warsaw since 2007, co-runs the Center for Personal Development and Psychological Services of the Compass