My almost 18-year-old daughter has been seeing her already studying boyfriend every day for 1.5 years. She has neglected school and nothing is important to her except this relationship. He reacts aggressively to attempts to talk. She couldn't even participate in the conversation between her boyfriend and me. At the last moment she "changed her mind", and after 45 minutes of calling him and me she burst into anger. I started going to a psychologist, but my daughter doesn't want to because she doesn't think there is a problem. I must admit that I am only now learning the consequences. The daughter is surrounded by a wall. He never says to me: help me or don't be angry because… or I'm sorry, I stupidly did. He does not speak up or reacts aggressively or dismissively. Is there any effective course of action?
Hello! I think these are the problems you will be working on with your therapist. Don't worry that your daughter doesn't want to attend meetings - you will also need support and ways to deal with the situation. First of all, you need to think about what you care about the most, what you want to achieve - what you want to convince your daughter about, what to explain to her. You should start by improving your daily relationships in the name of communicating what is important to you. So let go for now and nurture or establish a truly deep relationship with her. As far as possible in her difficult age, of course. She is probably afraid that you will unnecessarily interfere with her "adult" choices, that you will convince her how wrong she is doing and that you will want to separate her from your loved one. You have to gain her trust first and otherwise convince her of what you think is important to her. I know it's difficult, but now you have to reconcile fire and water, that is - a partner relationship, because the daughter is almost grown up, and a relationship of dependence and obedience, because you are still her mother and she is dependent on you. Therefore, continue visiting the psychologist and set yourself clear goals to achieve with him.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
More advice from this expert
Verbal aggression of the partner [Expert's advice]No orgasm [Expert Advice]No meaning in life [Expert's tip]Lack of self-confidence? [Expert advice]Can you forgive treason? [Expert advice]Depression after marital infidelity [Expert's tip]How to deal with a child's low self-esteem [Expert's tip]I'm nervous [Expert's tip]Fear of sex [Expert Advice]Fears of a two-year-old [Expert's tip]I have depression? [Expert advice]Masturbation in a 5-year-old girl [Expert's tip]My son doesn't want to study [Expert's tip]Neurosis in the family [Expert's tip]I don't believe in myself and I don't see the point in my life [expert's advice]Aversion to children [Expert's tip]Niejadek [Expert's tip]Not controlling your emotions [Expert Advice]Husband passed away [Expert's tip]Decline in libido [Expert Advice]Stress - how to relax? [Expert advice]I Avoid Sex With My Husband [Expert Advice]Broken movie after drinking [Expert's tip]Addiction to lying [Expert's tip]Mother and 11-year-old son sleeping together [Expert's tip]I fell in love without reciprocity [Expert's tip]Jealousy [Expert Advice]Jealousy and low self-esteem [Expert's tip]what is wrong and how to help yourself? [Expert advice]How do I act [Expert's Advice]