After nine years of relationship, my partner said his feelings had burned out. I am offering friendship and a relationship without obligations. I asked him if he had another woman and he denied it. We still meet and love each other. Unfortunately, three months ago I caught him with another … He came to me immediately and said that it has been going on for a year, but it is not important, that it was supposed to be just a one-off adventure and that he did not have the courage to tell me about it. My partner told me that this woman is threatening him with suicide if he dumps her! Unfortunately, she doesn't know about me and he doesn't want her to know. It is up to me to decide what to do next … I have forgiven because I love him, but I suffer mercilessly, because if he is not with me, I know that he is with her. What to do?
Nobody after you will make a decision about the future of your relationship. You need to know what you want and expect from your partner. Neither a psychologist nor any therapist has the right to make decisions for you on such an intimate issue as the relationship with another person. However, I suggest you calmly, without emotions, consider whether intercourse with a partner whose feeling has burned out is so important to you.
I don't know for how much and for how long you are ready to love a man whose feeling for you has "burned out"? Ask yourself if you feel manipulated by your partner? I think a relationship that doesn't matter doesn't last a year. If it was just an adventure, it would be much shorter and less intense.
If you have any doubts about what to do next, write down the pros and cons of this report on a piece of paper. Then see what is more - whether positive or negative. It is best to make decisions coldly, without emotions.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Ewa GuzowskaEwa Guzowska - educator, addiction therapist, lecturer at GWSH in Gdańsk. A graduate of the Pedagogical Academy in Krakow (social and care pedagogy) and postgraduate studies in therapy and diagnosis of children and adolescents with developmental disorders. She worked as a school educator and addiction therapist in a drug addiction center. He conducts numerous trainings in the field of interpersonal communication.
More advice from this expert
Teenager rebellion. How to deal with strange child behavior? [Adviceexpert]Constant fatigue, apathy, isolation from people [Expert advice]Diagnosis of a child with intellectual disability [Expert's advice]The child beats his head and cries [Expert's tip]The child repeats ugly words: what can we do? [Expert advice]How can I become a kindergarten teacher? [Expert advice]How is a teen to tell her parents about her pregnancy? [Expert advice]How to give medications to a person with dementia? [Expert advice]How to start autism therapy? [Expert advice]How can separation from a parent affect a baby? [Expert advice]How to deal with a difficult relationship with a partner? [Expert advice]How to encourage a child to read freely? [Expert advice]9-year-old fear of sleeping alone [Expert's advice]Teenager: what does it mean and where did sleeping with mom come from? [Expert advice]Teenager has a math problem: where to go? [Expert advice]Teenager does what she wants: how to deal with it? [Expert advice]Teen: bouts of aggression, depression, elevated mood [Expert advice] Teenage Girls: Exercise, He althy Eating, and Arresting Menstruation [Expert Advice]The habit of sucking the tongue while sleeping. How to unlearn a child? [Expert advice]An infant bends his ear while sleeping [Expert's tip]Nobody will interfere with the upbringing of my child….Symptoms of autism in a 2-year-old child [Expert's advice]Learning problems in a child in elementary school [Expert's advice]Adoption of a child. How to talk to a born child? [Expert advice]Where do dreams about ex-partners come from? [Expert advice]Anxiety in a child [Expert's advice]School: 6-year-olds without an educator [Expert's tip]Amphetamine addiction: how can I help a friend? [Expert advice]Vision defect and exemption from PE [Expert's advice]Grandson is addicted to computer games - what to do? [Expert advice]