My name is Dominika and I'm 15 years old. Here is a bit of a long word for my problem. On the one hand, I am shy, closed in on myself … and on the other hand, I am more confident, a bit risky, although this shyness inhibits me. With 2-3 friends I am relaxed - when I go for a walk with one of them, for example, or something, I feel relaxed. And when I don't know someone anymore, I don't talk too much, I'm ashamed of them. Even if I know him, sometimes I'm ashamed too. Often these are people who are 2 or more years older (I don't understand why I feel ashamed in front of the older ones). I need to get to know the person very well and spend a lot of time with them to chill out. This is the case, for example, at the holiday oases from the Light Life Movement (from the church) - we are divided into groups and we have our animator (guardian) and that's when I speak little and at all. In a larger group (6 and up) he also feels insecure. But if something does not suit me, I can "tear up" or protest, but this rarely (in a group), because alone or in a small group, I have no problem with it. You will probably tell me to read some books, but I hate reading (and I don't like it aloud either, because I'm getting red and stuttering) or that I go to a psychological and pedagogical counseling center. Until recently, I went to a psychologist because I was cutting myself for several reasons. One of the reasons I don't like myself. I am fat and generally not what I would like and also because I am quiet. Please help and thank you in advance.
You raised a few issues that are very important for your age.
As for shyness, I think there are many people with the same problem. It's good to overcome your resistance, gradually and in small steps. None of us are perfect, each of us has our weaknesses, but the ground to overcome them. The first step is always the hardest, but the next one … It's definitely easier! And then your problem will seem like a triviality! I also had some reluctance, for example, to speak in public - now I am a trainer and public speaking is not a challenge for me! I must admit that so far I have stage fright, but it is very pleasant and mobilizing.
I think that your shyness is related to low self-esteem and I believe that psychological therapy will be a very good solution for you. Simultaneouslyyou must remember that a psychologist will not help you overcome your difficulties after 2 or 3 meetings. Such therapy must be systematic and last for the time specified by the psychologist.
As for your obesity, I think that you should do tests (TSH, ft3 and ft4, morphology) and consult an endocrinologist and nutritionist to rule out thyroid disease and establish a diet. Do you do any sport? Are you swimming Are you running This is very good for your physical and mental condition. If not, start. Sport must also be systematically practiced by you - if it is not - you will not see positive effects either!
I am concerned about self-harm, however, and I believe that this is a deeper problem that cannot be underestimated. Consult a psychiatrist for a deeper diagnosis. You should inform your parents about the problem and go to a specialist doctor with them. Start with research, this will explain a lot to you and your parents. Sometimes obesity has a lot to do with endocrine disruptions. I keep my fingers crossed!
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Ewa GuzowskaEwa Guzowska - educator, addiction therapist, lecturer at GWSH in Gdańsk. A graduate of the Pedagogical Academy in Krakow (social and care pedagogy) and postgraduate studies in therapy and diagnosis of children and adolescents with developmental disorders. She worked as a school educator and addiction therapist in a drug addiction center. He conducts numerous trainings in the field of interpersonal communication.
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