Please state what are the consequences of unfulfilled mourning and what are the consequences of the next mourning? According to Wiesława, a psychologist, Stefan, unfulfilled mourning is intensified by the next ones. And people do not know about it, especially the young people who run away from mourning and graves most often - because then they despair too much. Without knowing that it is better … Young people are not told that there is also a post-abortion mourning, which should also be experienced, and not moved away or forgotten - even in stimulants.
The topic of unforgettable mourning is a very individual topic. Generally, parents would rather save their child from unpleasant feelings related to the death of a loved one, e.g. grandmother or grandfather. Death, as well as living it, is an inseparable part of our life. Protecting a child from a confrontation with the departure of a loved one causes an avalanche of unpleasant consequences.
Child's sadness is very difficult to overcome, especially if the child sees that people important to him are also immersed in him and suffering. Parents very often do not mention the topic of dying in order to protect their child from pain, suffering and grief. Parents then separate themselves from unpleasant emotions through various stimulants, e.g. drugs, alcohol or gambling. This is the easiest way to drown out anger, anger, sadness or despair, claiming that if the child does not see their tears, they will not suffer.
Children in their extraordinary wisdom do not need to know, because they feel it all. It is important to know that accepting the feelings of death gives you real strength. We need to know that children experience mourning differently than adults. It is related to many factors, e.g. psychological, social and environmental. Experiencing death also varies at different stages of their development. Children experience the same feelings as their parents. Children, even the youngest ones, experience sadness, miss or feel lonely.
The difference is in experiencing these feelings. The process can be likened to the imagination. We all have it, we all use it in different ways, often without realizing it. Adults who, in their childhood, did not allow themselves to experience the feelings related to death, for years struggling with the sadness that accompanies them all the time.
How children react todeath of a loved one?
After the age of 4, the child has a certain image of death, knows that something bad has happened. It knows that someone has died, but believes that this person may come back at night. Insomnia, nightmares, abdominal pain, bedwetting or waywardness are the most common symptoms in a child of this age who has recently experienced someone's death.
On the other hand, a 5-year-old knows that death is an irreversible process. He asks a lot of difficult questions and they often associate death with sleep, which makes them afraid of falling asleep.
Six-year-olds and seven-year-olds are very much interested in death, but also very much afraid for their parents' life. They are interested in what happens to the body after death and what the burial looks like. Although it is difficult for an adult, the truth about it is very important.
A 10-year-old child can arrange a funeral for his deceased pet, such a farewell ritual gives him a sense of security, with adequate support.
A teenager who loses a loved one is no longer a teenager but a little boy who needs a hug, warmth and enormous support. When a teenager loses one of his parents, he loses 50% of his most intimate relationships, if he loses his siblings, he loses 100%, because the parents' entire attention is focused on their deceased brother or sister. At this time, the teenager is raging a storm of feelings, he is tormented by numerous emotions that he has to deal with. The need to share these feelings is great. It is often the case that a young man takes over his role and duties after the death of his father or mother, which in the psychological aspect is a huge burden.
How can a parent help a child?
Adults very often avoid words such as: death, mourning, died, died not only in front of children, but also in front of themselves. Information on the question asked by the child should be provided in an atmosphere of safety. The lack of truth makes the child look for answers to questions, often filling the gaps with imagination, which is very dangerous.
How to deal with death?
The death of a loved one is a process, it is going through 5 phases of sadness that are fluid but overlap. It is denial, anger and anger, negotiation, acceptance. It also happens that a person stops at one of the above-mentioned stages and then he needs the help of a psychotherapist. The therapist's help will not be based on comforting the patient, but on the painful experience of what has been pushed aside and kept silent over the years. Talking about experiencing loss is very difficult and painful, but it makes us face our fear. They also prevent us from reaching for alcohol or drugs, but onlywe try to help each other constructively.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Ewa GuzowskaEwa Guzowska - educator, addiction therapist, lecturer at GWSH in Gdańsk. A graduate of the Pedagogical Academy in Krakow (social and care pedagogy) and postgraduate studies in therapy and diagnosis of children and adolescents with developmental disorders. She worked as a school educator and addiction therapist in a drug addiction center. He conducts numerous trainings in the field of interpersonal communication.
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