Recently my boyfriend dreams of his ex-girlfriend almost every night. When he is with me, he doesn't think about her at all. When night comes, he keeps dreaming about it. They are very nice dreams as it was in the days when they were together. She currently has a boyfriend and he is in a relationship with me too. But when he dreams he falls into the pit, he wants to forget about her, erase her from his memory, but he does not know how. He is afraid that one day he will be in such a state of breakdown that he will do something stupid that he does not want to do. Although he assures me that he loves me very much, he signals to me that maybe it would be better for us to split up because she does not want to hurt me with what may happen and that she does not give him peace in his dreams … I want to help him, but I do not know what I have anymore to do. I urged him to talk to a psychologist but he refuses because he says the psychologist will persuade him to meet his ex-girlfriend and talk to her, and he doesn't want to. He says she hurt him too much to see her now. I am asking for help because I am helpless. I do not want to leave him alone with all this - I want to help him.
I think that a visit to a psychologist will be a good solution for your boyfriend, if only so that he can rearrange his life. No psychologist or therapist will persuade him to return to his ex-partner, this is not what therapy will be about, but that he will come to terms with the painful breakup.
I believe that these dreams are some kind of information. They may relate to several matters, e.g. that he has not come to terms with the breakup or the form of parting with his ex-partner, or may refer to the fact that your partner has a lot of resentment towards her and is unable to cope with it (all this is unaware), Or it could be that he got hooked up too quickly with the Lady, and he hasn't got his old girlfriend in order yet.
If he does not want a psychologist's help, you cannot force him to do so, and the Lady will worsen the situation between you. It is your partner who must want to make a change in his life. Sometimes helping another person is talking to him, supporting him, being by his side and that's all it takes for a moment. Time is of the essence. Please remember that one person is able to come to terms with a breakup very quickly, while for another it takes more time. Feelings can't be controlledeveryone experiences the breakup differently, the more so if the breakup was difficult, there is a feeling of injustice, and the relationship was intense. Regards.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Ewa GuzowskaEwa Guzowska - educator, addiction therapist, lecturer at GWSH in Gdańsk. A graduate of the Pedagogical Academy in Krakow (social and care pedagogy) and postgraduate studies in therapy and diagnosis of children and adolescents with developmental disorders. She worked as a school educator and addiction therapist in a drug addiction center. He conducts numerous trainings in the field of interpersonal communication.
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