I am 32 years old, in the 8th week of unplanned pregnancy. I have been with my partner for 7 months and I know that he fathered this child on purpose. Without consulting me if I am ready or if I want this baby already. I love him and I know he loves me too, but it's too early for a baby for me. I wanted, in a different order, an engagement, a wedding, then a child, to have fun with the two of us, to go on vacation, which I had not been on for 5 years. My partner already has a daughter. I know that he dreamed of a normal family, but where am I in all this ?! I am panicked, scared, broken! I'm not emotionally ready. I'm afraid of everything! How will we manage, will I be a good mother, since I am not looking forward to having a baby now … Of course, my mother is outraged when I can not be happy … When I go for an ultrasound, it does not bother me at all … And somehow I got disgust at my partner, I don't know, it irritates his presence, everything, he is guilty of this pregnancy … He planned it for himself …
Not every woman feels the need to be a mother or wife and you shouldn't be surprised, you just need to understand it. However, in your case, things turned out quite differently and you are now waiting for your baby to come. Everyone likes how certain things go according to a specific plan, it is worse when life plays a trick on us and changes this plan in a different way. There is one thing to remember to start a family - the conversation. It is both sides that decide to extend the family, not one. If we don't talk about it, how can we know what our expectations are? You cannot do something against the other person. This is probably why you feel so bad in this situation and you cannot come to terms with the fact that in a few months you will be your mother.
Please also remember that when you start having sex, you run the risk of enlarging your family, especially if you do not use contraceptives. You are adults and conscious people, so you both knew about the consequences of your actions. I think you should talk about your feelings with your partner, tell him what emotional state you are in right now.
It is difficult for you that you had other plans, and your life turned out completely different and you blame him for it. Pregnancy is not a disease, you can do many things while pregnant, such as swimming. You never really knowwhen would you be ready to become a mother. Your resistance is caused by great regret, therefore you cannot be happy that you are carrying a new life within you. Blaming does not lead to anything good. The more we blame, the longer we feel sad, which can even lead to depressive disorders.
You have the right to be afraid, to experience negative emotions and have numerous doubts. This is because the Lady has many new tasks, and we are always afraid of what is unknown to us. Please remember that fear has big eyes and sometimes we are afraid of outgrowing something that we then cope with very well. If this condition persists or continues to worsen, you should consult a psychologist.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Ewa GuzowskaEwa Guzowska - educator, addiction therapist, lecturer at GWSH in Gdańsk. A graduate of the Pedagogical Academy in Krakow (social and care pedagogy) and postgraduate studies in therapy and diagnosis of children and adolescents with developmental disorders. She worked as a school educator and addiction therapist in a drug addiction center. He conducts numerous trainings in the field of interpersonal communication.
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