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I'm a shy guy, I've dated a few women before, had a few closer contacts but never ended up having sex. About 1.5 months ago I met a fantastic girl (5 years younger than me). After 2 weeks, we went on a picnic together. On the first night, nothing big had happened, I was just caressing her, she had a clitoral orgasm, she didn't want intercourse yet. It was known that the next night something more would happen and I would lose my "virginity" with her. During harder caresses, when she was rubbing against me - I came but didn't tell her about it right away (shame, fear?), I caressed her in French, then when I thought I was ready, I put a condom on, but I wasn't. She thought she didn't turn me on, told her I came earlier. The atmosphere broke and nothing else happened. Also on the third night - we were exhausted after a day of sightseeing. In the morning we fondled again, I was ready (it wasn't a full erection though), but after putting on the condom, when I tried to get in the condom, there were problems and the erection stopped. Sex was finally successful. It calmed me down a bit and gave me confidence. The next day I lost my erection again before penetration. We took a 2-day break. I do not know what's going on. My partner is experienced, has had many partners, loves sex very much, is demanding and says what she thinks. I think I am too stressed by this fact and the fact that I have no experience. Even though we had several intercourse, my penis was not fully erect. I would like to add that it is not the biggest - it is a total flop. Before that, I had no problems with the disappearance of an erection. I masturbated almost every day - although now I think about it, I often did it partially erect, just to relieve tension as quickly as possible. I really care about my girlfriend, I've never felt anything about her for anyone, I don't know if I'm in love, because I've never been. I think she is (she told me recently that she's not much missing). We are very good with each other, I am kind and caring, we get along very well, and she says that she has never been so good with anyone (except for the bed). She assures me that she is happy that she will not leave because ofbed problems. However, I can see that it is also difficult for her, she has the feeling that she does not excite me, but on the contrary - it excites me a lot. When it is close, I often have an erection, and there is also pre-ejaculation. This is most likely a problem in my head. Is it possible that I care too much? Is it possible that due to her extensive experience, I feel stressed about satisfying her? Is it possible that due to improper and frequent masturbation, I taught my body not to get a full erection (I also often masturbated with a full erection). Since we've been together, I've masturbated maybe 2 times and haven't had this problem. We talk about it, she tells me not to stress (now, after a few failures, she's even more affectionate). As for my life, I have a well-paid job, I like it (I changed 3 months ago, moved to another city, met my partner), I try to eat he althy, I lost 12 kg for 5 months, I go to the swimming pool 3 times a week Since we are together I hardly drink alcohol, smoke a few (3-5) cigarettes a day. I am 170 cm tall and weigh 78 kg. I don't take any medications, as far as I know I don't have any chronic disease. What should I do? Should I try any potency supplements to gain self-confidence - that's what my partner suggested?
Hello, Starting a bit at the end. I definitely do not recommend any potency or premature ejaculation remedies that you can buy online or in sex shops. If you like, you can try Viagra or any other medicine from this group. Occasional or repeated use of this type of drug does not lead to addiction and does not adversely affect sexual function in the future. Sometimes it helps to overcome stress or the fear of sexual intercourse. However, this is usually a short-term solution.
If the lack of an erection occurs when you try to have sexual intercourse, but you have a normal erection during masturbation, and considering your young age, this indicates that you are likely to suffer from neurotic erectile dysfunction. For some men it works more or less so that the more a man cares about his partner, the weaker the sexual arousal becomes (in its place a state of nervous tension arises), which results in weakness or lack of erection. As a result of initial failures, the fear of further close-ups appears and a vicious circle mechanism is created.
You rightly suspect that it has to do with the fact that you are highly stressed, you are very concerned that you have no experience and that your partner is demanding and had many partners. Not without significanceit could also be the fact that you were masturbating with an incomplete erection and not when you physically felt like having sex, but when you needed to relieve tension. You write that normal intercourse was established several times and lasted a little longer. There is therefore a chance that over time, when you get used to sex and your partner and become stressed, the problem will slowly disappear. However, if this condition persists, I recommend visiting a sexologist, because untreated neurotic sexual disorders tend to persist and deepen. Regards, Agnieszka Chochoł
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
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