I am 18 years old, he althy, no addictions, no smoking, alcohol very occasionally, no drugs. I have a problem with sex. I recently met a girl (my first one) and a month ago we decided to have sex. Unfortunately, we did not manage to do so. For the first time, I couldn't even put a condom on, the penis was falling. The next 3 times we managed to put on the elastic, but I couldn't keep an erection to get into my partner. The next attempt was to successfully put on the condom and we even had intercourse (but a short one). The problem is that the penis drops down into the vagina after a few movements. I am so depressed and stressed out by the whole situation, I'm slowly fed up. I would like to add that from the age of 15 I masturbate, it has become my everyday life (with porn films). But since I met a girl, I stopped doing it, or rather limited it. I haven't watched adult movies last month and masturbated very rarely. I am very afraid that my partner will eventually leave me. So far, she is very understanding. Well, but how much can you …? I do not know what to do. We have not tried sex without a condom because we are afraid of pregnancy. I suspect it would be okay without her. The partner cannot take birth control pills yet.
In 70-90% of young men, erection problems are in the psyche. From the description, it can be concluded that your agility problem is neurotic. Characteristic for this group of disorders is that the lack of erection, or its disappearance, occurs precisely when attempting to have sexual intercourse. The erection may also - as with you - subside during intercourse and, in addition, premature ejaculation may appear. Psychogenic erectile dysfunction develops most often on the basis of anxiety so strong that sexual stimuli are inhibited and the correct response to these stimuli is inhibited. Most often it is fear of unwanted pregnancy, infection with venereal disease or HIV, low self-esteem in the role of a lover.
Masturbation does not cause erection problems. It is a natural form of relieving sexual tension, especially in young men who do not have sexual intercourse or rarely meet their needs. Rather, try not to masturbate to porn videos as this leads to addiction relatively easily. If you fancymasturbating and watching a movie, do not combine it at the same time. This will reduce your risk of porn addiction.
I understand your depression and anxiety. Undoubtedly, the situation for both of you is excessively stressful, which comes from the very fact of sexual initiation plus the strong sexual arousal characteristic of your age and the very high fear that it may not come out. The problem you describe happens quite often to young couples who are just starting their sex life. What may additionally hinder or increase tension and stress is sexual contact in conditions of rush or lack of intimacy. The problem is also the too task-oriented approach to sex. Don't be fussy about the fact that the condom bothers you and if it wasn't for it, it would be okay. Probably not the cause. The most important thing is that it gets better successively. You write that in the beginning you didn't even manage to put on a condom, and you have slowly reached the stage where intercourse is possible. Try to focus on your girlfriend, ask what caresses she likes best, and don't focus solely on the erection. Sex is much more than just genital intercourse. Give yourself some time and assume it will pass. If after some time it turns out that the problem is still there, it is worth going to a sexologist specialist, because untreated sexual dysfunction has a tendency to persist and deepen.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
More advice from this expert
Lack of closeness and willingness to have sex on the part of a partner in a 4-year relationship [Expert advice]Lack of an erection: what is its cause and what can be done to get it back? [Expert advice]A woman's pain during intercourse and trust in her partner [Expert's advice]Constant craving for sex in a 20-year-old man [Expert advice]Is anal sex a shame? [Expert advice]18-Year-Old's Sexual Initiation: Does Masturbation Improve Erection? [Expert advice]How can a 30-year-old cope with the loss of an erection during intercourse? [Expert advice]How do you deal with a lack of erection when you're excited? [Expert advice]How to deal with premature ejaculation in a man over 40? [Expert advice]We are together 5years. Recently my partner stopped wanting sex [expert's tip]I have morning erections but no erection [Expert advice]We are 21 years old: why did my partner lose the desire for sex? [Expert advice]Masturbation: where does it come from and can it be stopped? [Expert advice]Penis Enlargement Methods and Relationship Satisfaction [Expert's Advice]My girlfriend doesn't want sex. What can I do? [Expert advice]The husband does not want sex and has lost the will to act [Expert advice]Vaginal urination: is it safe? [Expert advice]Partner does not want sex and is emotionally cold [Expert Advice]The partner does not want to have sex: what can we do? [Expert advice]The first time and problems with erection and ejaculation in an 18-year-old [Expert's advice]Problem with ejaculation after a long erection [Expert advice]Problems in relationships with women and sexual orientation [Expert's advice]Where is the pain that prevents me from having sex with my partner? [Expert advice]Trying for a baby: how to improve the quality of sperm? [Expert advice]Three years of relationship and dissatisfaction with intercourse with your partner [Expert's advice]Increased excitement after years of coldness [Expert's tip]Relationship Commitment and Failure to Ejaculate During Penetration [Expert Advice]Loss of erection during the first intercourse and doubts about the penis length [Expert's advice]Retraction and retraction of the foreskin - the consequences of such problems [Expert's advice]