I have been with my partner for almost 5 years, I am 21 and he is 22, for some time (2-3 months) he has not wanted to have sex. I often show a willingness to have intercourse, but he always ignores it. He assured me that I was still attracted to him and that I was attractive, he just didn't feel like it. His lack of desire has been going on for a while (except for the craving for oral sex for his benefit). I cry at night because I also have my own needs and I will not betray myself. Before, we loved each other very often, since we moved in together, everything has changed - at the beginning it was wonderful, this relationship actually appeared and it was unearthly, now I can't count on something like that anymore. Not to mention the lack of affection and kisses, my partner hasn't kissed me (passionately) in a very long time (skipping the kiss before leaving). I am starting to worry, I am looking for the problem in myself. I tried, but I just don't have the strength for it anymore. I cry and it hurts because I feel rejected, but he has no problem with it. How can I help us, make it good again as it used to be?
When a partner does not meet a woman's needs, she feels unsatisfied and sometimes hurt. She feels that she is unloved or underappreciated as a woman. Meanwhile, there can be many reasons for this behavior of the partner. Starting with he alth problems, hormonal disorders, neurotic disorders, side effects of taking medications or problems at work, excessive stress or worrying about various things. Men focused on their work fall into sexual lethargy or are simply mentally tired.
You write that the decrease in the level of your partner's needs has occurred since you moved in together. Therefore, it can be assumed that your partner relations may be a significant factor of his reluctance to sexual activity. Perhaps it is a build-up of negative emotions towards you or difficulties in psychologically adjusting to a new lifestyle. You also write that in the absence of the desire for traditional genital intercourse, the partner still feels like oral sex. This proves that he is dominated by a self-centered attitude. In such a situation, you should not be ashamed, but speak openly about your expectations and needs.However, without knowing your situation exactly, my conclusions are only assumptions. If an open and honest conversation with your partner does not help, it may be worth considering seeing a sexologist together. First of all, please do not find fault with yourself. You do not know the objective reason for your partner's avoidance of intercourse.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
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