My boyfriend doesn't want to make love to me. We have been together for 3 years, we are both after 21. What is even more surprising to me is that a boy at this age can avoid sex. This is my first sexual partner, in his case I am also his first partner. Everything was fine at first. My boyfriend used every possible situation to get even the tiniest intimacy. He doesn't like condoms (he told me himself) so I thought it would make it easier and I started taking birth control pills. Unfortunately, suddenly something started to fall apart, the boy no longer wanted sex, even though he didn't have to worry about security etc. we both lived with my parents). In my opinion, this was a sensible answer, as it was actually a bit embarrassing when my parents were sleeping behind the wall. However, intercourse was less and less frequent, previously we had made love more often despite the condom he didn't like. In the end, I got upset and stopped taking pills, why not, if we don't use it anyway? We have been living together for a year, we have our own apartment, so he can no longer say that there are no conditions. Now, intercourse takes place once a month, once every two months, and only when I start everything myself (then I feel like a man, because usually they start the whole "game"). When I asked what was going on, there was no one at home but us, no one can interrupt us, I heard that he used to make love to me more often because he was young and he wanted to try different things. I couldn't believe what I heard, because then what will our life be like in a few years? When after some time I tried to find out what was going on, the answer was that he doesn't like condoms, because he doesn't feel any pleasure from sex, but when I took pills, it was also a problem with the lack of sex, that's why I gave up taking pills. I don't know what to think anymore. I am 98% sure that he is not cheating on me or flirting with girls on the Internet (which unfortunately happened in the past). However, I did come across pornographic films that he had watched once. I was very indignant then, because it turned out that he prefers the film to me. He explained that it wasit is not at all, the movie is nothing wrong, it is an adult after all. All these situations make me feel unattractive, maybe he doesn't like me, maybe he got bored? I do not know what to do. Tenderness, romance and lust have disappeared somewhere, and in the evening I only hear "good night". What could be the reason for this? I take care of hygiene, eat he althy and exercise so that my body looks good as well, I bought nice underwear, women's pajamas and nothing, nothing works for him. I'm broken.
A successful sex life is an important building block. Therefore, if this area of life is not satisfying and the lack of desire for sex is constantly frustrating, the problem should not be underestimated, as the consequences can be serious. It's normal that the appetite for sex is most often greatest at the beginning of a relationship, and then the desire for sex diminishes. However, a large drop in libido is quite a legitimate cause for concern.
Reduced libido in men can have many he alth reasons. Heart disease, hormone treatments, depression, diabetes, high blood pressure, epilepsy, alcoholism, kidney damage can all cause problems. The cause may also be addiction to pornography, hidden sexual deviations or disturbed sexual orientation. If a man feels mentally and physically he althy, the routine that has arisen in the relationship may also be the reason for his lack of interest in sex.
There has been a loosening of the sexual bond in your relationship. It is puzzling that the partner suddenly lost interest in sex. It is difficult to judge what was the reason for this without taking a detailed interview. The emotions you feel about this situation are perfectly understandable, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like them or are bored with your partner. It is worth persuading him to visit a sexologist or go there on your own. As I mentioned at the beginning, a successful sex life is an important element of a relationship, especially since you are very young, and the longer the problem lasts, the frustration will grow.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
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