I'm 20 and my partner is 24. We've been together for 3.5 years and have been living together for over half a year. Our sex life was always good - we made love a lot, we both cared about our needs and were satisfied. However, the last two months have been a nightmare. My partner refuses sex and is excused by fatigue. If I persist, I can do it once a week, but I don't enjoy sex like that. Besides, sex does not go beyond copulation - no caresses, foreplay, position changes. I also know that my partner has no problems with erection, because when I try to encourage him with small caresses, everything "works" properly. Recently, when I tried to encourage him by using his (once) favorite position, I heard the question, what am I doing? In private life, he is also terribly cold - he doesn't hug me (I have to hug him), he doesn't kiss me (unless I mention it) and he doesn't say that he loves me (unless I say it first). When I tried to talk to him about all this, he found that he is fine, that he loves me but that he is tired. He tells me that he is tired, but he has the strength to go after friends or to meetings of his association. What should I do? Is there something wrong with me?
There are many reasons why a man does not feel like having sex. Starting with he alth problems, hormonal disorders, neurotic disorders, side effects of taking medications or problems at work, excessive stress or worrying about various things. Sometimes men are too focused on their work and are mentally and / or physically tired, which in turn has a negative impact on the level of their sexual needs.
Your partner relationships can also be a significant factor in his reluctance to be sexually active. You write that your partner is cold and you do not show tenderness (has it always been this way? Has it changed in the last 2 months?). Perhaps it is a build-up of negative emotions towards you or difficulties in coping with a difficult situation for him. Sometimes fatigue can also be a symptom of depression. It is worth knowing the causes of this fatigue, and above all the expectations and needs of your partner.
Please try to approach the conversation with concernand understanding. Perhaps something important is actually happening in his life. Often men do not want to burden us with their problems. If an open and honest conversation with your partner does not help, it may be worth considering seeing a sexologist together. First of all, please do not find fault with yourself. You do not know the objective reason for your partner's avoidance of intercourse.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
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