I'm a 24-year-old boy. I've always been interested in girls. At the age of 18 I got sick with nerves and I still take drugs related to it. I've been with three relationships with girls. My last relationship was very bad. I haven't had anyone for 3 years. I believe that there is no point in looking for a girl, since everyone says "no", why bother, I lost hope. I noticed that when I think about being with a girl I don't have an erection, it doesn't turn me on like that anymore. I started writing with guys. And the matter is so problematic that I am not looking for a guy, I do not want to be with any of them, even at the very thought of being close to some "rejects me". The thought of seeing one of them puts me in a strange state of reluctance. When I write with them about "it" I have an erection and ejaculation. But as I wrote, I don't want to be with a guy, I feel bad writing like this even though I do and write. Is it because in my conscience I objected to girls for their constant "no", but for their constant search? What I should do now? What I want doesn't get me excited by drugs, stress? What I don't want is exciting and I keep coming back to it. How should I cope?
Identity, sexual orientation is built of many factors - also biological, inborn, but also on the basis of important experiences, the course of psychosexual maturation, received sexual education, the atmosphere of the family home, relationships with important people, experienced traumas, especially important ones events, sexual abuse or the formation of a defense mechanism (escape into homosexuality). Determining your sexual orientation does not always come in adolescence or early adolescence. It can appear at any time in life, often even in late adulthood. Human sexual behavior is the result of his more or less conscious choice
You write about difficult experiences in relationships with women and about the fact that you have lost hope. Chances are good that the fear of rejection by a woman drives you towards men who are subconsciously perceived as safer and not threatening self-esteem in the male role. Such a homosexual phobia may therefore result from insecurity in the male role. It is not due to medication or stress as such. However, it is also possiblethat they are homosexual tendencies, but strongly developed control mechanisms did not allow their disclosure under normal conditions. If your needs arouse anxiety, are incomprehensible, repulsive, it is worth visiting a sexologist or psychotherapist. Additionally, it can also help to organize and understand your discouragement towards relationships with women.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
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