I can't cope. I'm with a guy for 4 years, I love him very much, but it's terrible in bed. We have been together for 3 years. I have never had an orgasm before, if I start to like it, it ends, our sexual intercourse lasts a maximum of 10 minutes (I won't even have time to film it during this time). It didn't bother me before, she knew she might need time, so I was understanding, I tried to talk to him and assure him that it wasn't a big problem for me. Over time, this thing has become a huge problem for me, I have nothing to do with having sex with him, he will come every time. And I? I am left to myself, sometimes I get the impression that he doesn't even try to change it, because he "accepts" it. What to do? He wants to propose to me, and I'm not sure anymore if I want to be with a guy who can't satisfy me in bed.
Your frustration is understandable. A successful sex life is a very important part of a relationship. Lack of satisfaction with sex in the long run can lead to avoidance of intercourse or even sexual aversion. Despite the declaration that she loved her partner very much, it caused doubts and the thought: "Do I want to be with a guy who cannot satisfy me in bed?". Many women at the beginning of their relationship want to make the best possible impression on their partners and, no matter the quality of sex, say that they are the best in the world. This is mainly due to the fact that it is difficult for them to talk openly about sex, and a successful sex life is the art of getting to know each other's needs and expectations, looking for optimal forms of caress and creating your own, individual lifestyle, the most suitable for both of them.
It seems that your partner, due to the assurances that for you "it is not a problem", does not really see the problem and it probably is not his malicious intentions, but a lack of knowledge about sex and your needs. Men must be told certain things directly. Don't count that they will guess or that they should know it themselves. First of all, I encourage you to talk frankly with your boyfriend. In sexual life, it is worth being selfish - in the he althy sense of the word. The two most important information for a boyfriend are: what do you like and that many women achieve sexual satisfaction and finally orgasmneeds much more time than men.
As for orgasm itself, the psychophysiology of female sexual responses is much more complex than that of men, and for most women, orgasm does not appear at the start of sexual activity. Unlike men, who experience orgasm with ejaculation, women need to learn to experience and feel pleasure. The mere fact that you have started intercourse does not guarantee a certain level of intensity of sexual satisfaction experienced by both partners. In some relationships, orgasm may not appear until several years of successful intercourse. There is a long way to discover the secrets of successful sex ahead of you.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
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