I am the mother of a 12-year-old son. My son has entered a difficult period of growing up now and I have trouble controlling his temper at times. He is a very good student. However, he has great difficulty maintaining discipline at school. The educator complains about his improper behavior, last year he had a lower mark for behavior, which prevented him from obtaining a certificate with honors. I was hoping that after my husband's return from abroad (more than six months of absence) my son would change and everything would return to normal. Unfortunately, it is even worse, although the son feels respect for her husband and is not as rude and arrogant towards him as he is towards me. My husband and I are trying to wait through this stormy period, but I don't want to waste my child and I would like to help him somehow. What can you do in such a situation? How to act and how to talk to the child? We signed him up for extra-curricular activities so that he could release his energy for useful things.
Since you are not writing what the lack of discipline or inappropriate behavior in school is, I find it difficult to relate to it. For each category of behavior (e.g. truancy, silly and talking during lessons, teasing colleagues, destroying equipment, refusing to follow instructions, using vulgar language, etc.), you can look for a different reason. And without establishing and understanding it, it is difficult to take remedial steps. Growing up is only one element that needs to be considered. With excess energy, additional activities, especially sports, are extremely useful. However, if a gifted, and therefore thinking person, also a son of well-mannered parents, behaves rude and impulsively, is sometimes aggressive and breaks the established rules of coexistence - the reasons should be sought not only in the "hormonal storm". Here, psychological factors and patterns as well as the requirements of the son's environment (colleagues) may be important. Get interested in his company and the atmosphere in the peer group. This often explains a lot. Maybe, for example, at school he must be a troublemaker so that he would not be called an unpractical nerd? (Incidentally, if this is just playful mischief and not hooliganism, don't worry too much about it unless, of course, it interferes with the work of the school.) When it comes to rudeness and aggression, the son can learn from his colleagues, whom he wants to be equal to. On the other hand, arrogance in relation toto you may be an attempt to emphasize your own distinctiveness and adulthood. Often, young people find no other way to do this. Once you learn the reasons behind your son's behavior, you will be able to discuss this with him. You will also be able to give him other solutions to the problems. Don't condemn him. Your action can only be effective when the child believes that you are his ally, and you try to understand and help him. I don't know what your relationship is like. Are you able to determine the causes of your son's troubles on your own? If in doubt, ask a psychologist for help. Also consider whether what you call excess energy is not morbid. Hyperactivity should be treated so that the child can function without collisions.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Barbara Śreniowska-SzafranEducator with many years of experience.
More advice from this expert
13 year old draws penises [Expert's tip]2-year-old still wakes up at night [Expert's tip]Aggression in a teenager [Expert's advice]The Rebellion of the Fourteen-Year-Old [Expert's Advice]Daughter (2 years and 3 months) wakes up at night and does not sleep [Expert advice]A two-year-old who is awake [Expert's tip]How to be a stepfather when the father rebels the child against you [Expert Advice]How to teach a 10 year old to be okay? [Expert advice]How to fight a computer addiction? [Expert advice]How to encourage a child to learn? [Expert advice]How to become a kindergarten teacher? [Expert advice]When the Child Beats [Expert Advice]Lies and threats from the child [Expert advice]Husband on a business trip [Expert's advice]Studying at night [Expert's tip]I can't cope with my 2-year-old son [Expert's tip]Reluctance to read [Expert Advice]Naughty preschooler [Expert's tip]Shyness, reticence and shyness. [Expert advice]Night Hysteria [Expert Advice]Morning abdominal pain [Expert advice]Problems with the adolescent son [Expert's tip]Problems with sleepiness, concentration, learning [Expert advice]Baby's Tearfulness [Expert's Advice]Conversation with a 12-year-old, learning problems [Expert's advice]Six-year-old victim syndrome? [Expert advice]Bullying [Expert Advice]Jealousy [Expert Advice]Rebellious Teen [Expert Advice]Misbehavior and Reluctance to Learn [Expert Advice]