I've been in a relationship a year older with a boy for 10 months. We are planning a common future. We almost always spend our free time with me. My partner knows my parents and sees them almost every day. But I cannot say it. Unfortunately! I saw his parents maybe 4 times, and it happened in passing. I just said good morning to them and that's it. It makes me very nervous. I don't know them at all. My boyfriend does not give me a chance to meet them. He is shy by nature, I know he doesn't talk much about me. He likes to walk his own ways - the nature of a loner! He rejects my requests to meet his parents, trivializes it, or says that I don't really want to meet. Family is very important to me. It worries me a lot.
The matter is really not easy. You are the Great Secret of your companion. She clearly doesn't want to share you with anyone - not even her own parents. There are types that have a very extensive sphere of privacy, and he probably belongs to them. Rather, you are a "herd", with a strong need to function in a larger group (not only in a pair, but also in a wider family). And that's the difference. If you want to maintain the relationship, you must accept this fact and take it into account. At the same time, the boy needs to know your needs, so that with every step you take towards establishing (and then maintaining) contacts with his family, he does not feel betrayed by you or jealous of you. The situation is therefore quite delicate. Since I do not know you or your families, it is difficult for me to give a ready, unambiguous recipe. I can only suggest a few ideas for careful consideration. Yes, carefully consider the possible and unwanted reactions on his part. Because it would be a pity to spoil everything. Apart from the fact that you have seen His parents several times and you know what they look like, do you have any knowledge about them? If not, try to trick your Lord into talking about it. Oh, yes - by the way. After all, you want to know who they are, what they do and, above all, what they are. You can often get a lot of information from a little chat and it will be easier to get a good idea by having it. Consider involving your parents in the action: e.g. your mother sends a piece of cake through him to the family. Maybe then his parents will contact yours and a relationship will be established. Inin any case, do not force anything. Maybe he does not have good relations with his family, maybe he is afraid that your parents' mixing in between you will not bring any good, maybe his parents are also loners, or maybe he just (as at the beginning) does not want to function in a larger group, it is bad in it he feels and defends his own privacy. There is another option: acknowledge that this is a problem for Him, let things run on its own, and take no steps. After all, usually when people are friends and plan a life together, their families start to be interested in it at some point. And then everyone will know everyone.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Barbara Śreniowska-SzafranEducator with many years of experience.
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