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My problem is that until recently I felt bad because I was lonely, didn't have a girlfriend, had terribly low self-esteem and was pessimistic. For several months I have a girlfriend with whom I am happy, but there was a problem, or rather stupid thinking - jealousy and fear that he would leave me. In my case, jealousy is not about tedious reading or controlling, but rather bad thoughts and sadness. The girl assures me at every turn that she is happy with me and does not need to look for another guy. Even so, I'm sad to find out that she's been writing with some guy, friend, etc. Likewise, instead of enjoying every day with her, I keep thinking about whether she will leave me at some point. Such thoughts become unbearable anymore. Is it because I was mistreated by girls before? I know you can't measure them all with one measure or put them in one bag, but I can't deal with this problem.
Probably your condition is related to the fact that you did not feel safe in relationships before or that you were mistreated. It may also be related to family experiences, e.g. parents' divorce, separation of parents or betrayal of one of them. If your partner keeps telling you that she feels happy about you, trust her, give her a chance. If she wasn't happy, she probably wouldn't be with you anymore. Put yourself in her shoes. It is also a difficult and new situation for her, and she probably feels bad about the fact that you do not trust her, and building a relationship based on lack of trust does not bring good and positive results. Please remember that negative thinking can come true - you don't want that, do you? If you can see that you are not coping with this situation, maybe you need to consult a psychologist or go to a therapy for couples with your partner?
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Ewa GuzowskaEwa Guzowska - educator, addiction therapist, lecturer at GWSH in Gdańsk. A graduate of the Pedagogical Academy in Krakow (social and care pedagogy) and postgraduate studies in therapy and diagnosis of children and adolescents with developmental disorders. She worked as a school educator and therapistaddiction in an addiction center. He conducts numerous trainings in the field of interpersonal communication.
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