Good morning. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months, for some time I have noticed that something strange is happening with his behavior, namely he gets angry very easily and has, as he claims, uncontrolled attacks of aggression, mainly verbal. He can say really unpleasant words to me and then he apologizes and says that he does not know what is happening to him and why he does not control it. What could be the cause of such behavior and what should be done about it?
There can be many causes of uncontrolled aggression. From problems at work (mobbing at work, lack of money), at university, at school, at home - to various types of interpersonal conflicts. Aggression also increases with alcohol, drugs or other psychoactive substances.
I suggest you persuade your partner to consult a psychologist, it is easier to talk about the problem to a stranger than someone with whom you are very close. Sometimes anger is unconscious, sometimes it is childhood problems, e.g. if your partner grew up in a family where there was psychological or physical abuse. I think that consultation with a psychologist or therapist will be very beneficial for your partner and your relationship.
Please remember that feeling angry is neither good nor bad. They can only be used well or badly. It may also be that the problem with aggression in your partner started much earlier. You have been in a relationship too briefly to say that something disturbing is happening with your partner. It has probably happened before, but now this problem is starting to become more tangible.
It is also important in what situations do these outbursts of aggression happen? And what form does aggression take? The psychologist is able to teach the patient to control anger, name unpleasant feelings and deal with them in a different way than before, e.g. through relaxation or sport. Fingers crossed. Good luck.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Ewa GuzowskaEwa Guzowska - educator, addiction therapist, lecturer at GWSH in Gdańsk. A graduate of the Pedagogical Academy in Krakow (social and care pedagogy) and postgraduate studies in therapy and diagnosis of children and adolescents with developmental disorders. She worked as a teacherschool and addiction therapist in a drug addiction center. He conducts numerous trainings in the field of interpersonal communication.
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