I'm a woman in her twenties. I've been with my partner for 2 years. From the very beginning of our relationship, we both felt a great desire to have sex, and we did it quite often and regularly. We are very close and we plan our future together, but we have not had sex with each other for 3 months (it happened suddenly - overnight). One evening we had a serious fight, my partner insulted me and I slapped him and he automatically gave me the same. He never used violence against me before or after. From then on, I couldn't make love to him. I like it when he hugs me and I need it. I also feel the need for close-ups, but whenever there is an opportunity, I run away from "such" closeness, I don't even want him to touch me. I know that my problem is not getting bored with my partner and losing my fascination with each other. I have some kind of barrier inside me, a block that I cannot break and cross. My partner is understanding, does not pressurize and does not require anything from me, but waits patiently, because he does not know what he can do for me. I myself feel terribly bad about it and I am very frustrated by the situation. How can I help myself?
Hello
It seems that you still have a grudge against your partner since that event. Perhaps this event was also caused by a number of other misconceptions that affect your sexuality. Most of the women in such a situation react with a lack of desire for sex, a barrier appears, resentment towards the partner, and a decrease in trust. To change that, you should talk carefully about all the difficulties and misunderstandings that have been between you and that may still affect your relationship. Before you do that, please try to carefully analyze your thoughts and feelings towards your partner, you can write them down on a piece of paper and consider if there is any anger or regret. Sometimes it seems to us that the problem has been resolved, but after some time it turns out that "something is still in us" and affects our behavior towards the other person. The situation is usually different for men - after an argument, they usually feel like sex, which can be a kind of reconciliation. Please think carefully about what this barrier results from, tell your partner about it, "throw out" the negative emotions that remain in you.
Regards
Magdalena Bogdaniuk
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Magdalena Krzak (Bogdaniuk)
Psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist and forensic sexologist. He has a Clinical Sexologist Certificate, awarded by the Polish Society of Sexology, after completing full specialization in clinical sexology in Warsaw, and a Court Sexologist Certificate. He deals with the treatment of sexual disorders in women and men. He works both individually and with couples. She conducts psychotherapy for victims of sexual violence. He conducts diagnostics and psychological support for transsexual people.
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