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Hello! I am 30 years old, 5 years old after marriage and currently 4 weeks pregnant. When meeting my current husband, I made it clear that I do not plan to have children. The husband agreed with this. By the time. For three years he had been insisting on having a child. When I said that he knew my opinion on this subject, he said that he thought I was kidding. You don't really joke about such a case. The situation became nervous, quarrels, almost parting, reproof. In addition, pressure and pressure from friends and family. Everyone to whom I have told about the fact that I do not want to have children said that I do not know what I am saying, that I only think and that I will change my mind when I decide. And so everyone was pressing in turn, my parents, mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, my best friend, that I had to decide because I would be left alone in my old age, that a child is the meaning of life, that everyone will help me. And it happened. I was sick of this. I became pregnant deliberately that everyone would leave me alone. I also thought that maybe I would actually get used to it. Unfortunately, there is a nightmare. I can't deal with myself. I can't get used to this thought, can't sleep, can't focus on anything. I feel disgusting, and at the words "you'll see how wonderful it will be" I am overwhelmed. I must have argued with everyone. I am tormented and afraid that I will not be able to accept this child and that I will reject him.
You don't say anything about the reasons why you didn't want and don't want to have children so much. I think that is a fundamental and essential question. Therefore, it is difficult for me to say whether your emotional state will change or not. Even if you had very good reasons, you put peace of mind above them and I don't quite know why you did it either. You just forgot that there are more lives at stake than just yours. This is a very serious matter. Now the reasons are important only because you should deal with them as soon as possible. Preferably with a good psychologist who will help you quickly (and not years because there is no time for that!) To explain them and find ways to deal with them. You seem stubborn, but probably not that much, since you have made the decision to get pregnant. You didn't want her, so your well-being is terrible. It is as if the justification for your earlier objections. If you stick to this attitude all the time, maybe it won't be better. Now a lotit depends on your decisions - you will either take it all with love and responsibility, or you will be all around (and a completely innocent child) proving that they were wrong and you "are not fit for it". Now it is too late to deliberate and unnecessarily philosophize. Either you accept the fact and try to be a good mother in spite of everything, or you make yourself, your child, your husband unhappy. I don't know if it's worth it. You have to make the decision for yourself. Many people can help you, but the decision is yours.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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