Mourning is a state that we would rather avoid experiencing. Death is always a tragedy. We are not able to prepare for it. We don't know how to soothe the pain or how to help our fellow sufferers. How to come to terms with the loss? Mourning takes time, has phases to go through to get back to normal life.

Contents:

  1. Mourning: how to survive this difficult time?
  2. Phase one of mourning: shock and damnation
  3. Phase two of mourning: longing and regret
  4. Phase three of mourning: disorganization and despair
  5. Phase four of mourning: reorganization

Mourningis a state experienced by people after the loss of a loved one. When a person dies, his sufferings end. Those who become orphans plunge into despair. Mourning the loss of a loved one, they have to face extremely strong emotions and difficult decisions related to, for example, the organization of a funeral. Everything happens quickly, in great tension, and then many things simply exceed them …

Nobody is able to comprehend and understand the grief after the death of a loved one - only the one who experienced it himself. In an instant, a person loses peace, order, and a sense of security.

Because he does not feel the touch of a loved one, he lacks a smile, voice, everyday conversations (even quarrels), plans for the future, walks, meals, living Christmas together. And even if he is surrounded by a group of people close to him, he will always feel a void in his heart …

Mourning: how to survive this difficult time?

Mourning is a "spiritual wound". It takes a long time to heal and leaves scars. Each of us experiences the death of a loved one in our own individual way. How mourning takes place, and when it will (and if at all) will pass, depends on various factors - who the deceased was for us and how much havoc caused his death in our lives. Our age and the age of the person we have lost are also important. It is also important whether we were prepared for the parting and how someone who left approached the issue of death.

But there is a universal way for every person to experience sadness during the first year after the death of a loved one. If you learn its stages, it will be easier to understand what is happening to you (or has happened) and how you can help yourself and your loved ones through this difficult period. However, remember that it is noteveryone has to go through the phases of mourning - just as they do not have to be the same in every case. Some people fall into silence and stillness, others cry or become hysterical. Some are looking for support, others - a hiding place.

Phase one of mourning: shock and dullness

This stage usually takes place right after the death of a loved one. It may be accompanied by a mental shock, a shock that manifests itself, for example, in denying what happened. Sometimes a person does not want to admit to the awareness of the tragic truth at all - such reactions appear most often when death was sudden and unexpected. Shock may be milder (but it doesn't have to be!) If death was preceded by a long, incurable disease.

Phase two of mourning: longing and regret

A grieving person longs for the deceased: he cries, looks for him, remembers him, and sometimes even thinks that he meets him. At the same time, she feels anger at herself and fate, as well as a sense of guilt that she could not do anything to save her loved one. This phase is often associated with the most intense sadness.

At this time, unpleasant memories of previous painful break-ups may also come back. A person mourning the loss suffers the most not right after the death of a loved one, and later - when he is no longer absorbed by "mundane" matters (eg related to a funeral). When he finally finds himself alone …

Phase three of mourning: disorganization and despair

A mourning person cannot return to normal life. He has feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, loneliness, fear and sadness. He isolates himself from people, sees no sense in anything. Mourning deprives him of a sense of security, identity and purposefulness because a close emotional bond has been broken and a sense of dependence on the other person is disturbed. Then an irrational hope appears in a person to see a dead person, to hear the news that it was a fatal mistake. Phases 2 and 3 intertwine for some time.

Phase four of mourning: reorganization

At this stage, people usually accept the loss and slowly come back into balance. The pain is less severe, so the feeling of loss becomes bearable. Even if time does not seem to be the best doctor in this situation, it still flows, and life presents us with more and more new tasks. The past is moving away - and although it will never be forgotten, a person who has survived the death of a loved one re-arranges his life without it.

The book by prof. Martin Herbert's "Mourning in the Family", published by the Gdańsk Psychological Publishing House.

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Category:

Psychology