I am a 22-year-old woman. I already have a 5-year relationship behind me. The last year is a marriage. Unfortunately, we broke up. The reason for the breakup was that we didn't seem to fit together. I am very sarcastic, I have a different lifestyle. Sometimes I even think that I don't like people, although I work in a dentist's office and I love being with others there. I met a boy on the Internet. Is it possible that I fell in love online? We have been writing for 10 months, we were supposed to meet several times, but always something… The distance that separates us is over 600 km. I told him everything about myself, and he told me about himself. He went through a lot in his life, and his father abused him for a long time. He goes to a psychologist. He lives with his roommate now. He worked but quit because he has asthma and bad working conditions. He says nothing is keeping him there and he would love to be here with me. So why had nothing happened until then? I became addicted to this writing. But is it still worth the wait? I have the impression that I gave my best and I don't know if I will be able to tell so much about myself to someone else. It is already tiresome for me, because I do not know where I am standing. I am asking for some advice, I haven't talked to anyone about it.
It is a very touching letter … In my opinion, and I have been working as a psychologist for a long time, if your relationship has not materialized for nearly a year of correspondence, it means that it is only correspondence, that is, unrealistic. It is easy to "understand" each other by correspondence, but - as you can see - it is difficult to meet, and only personal contact allows us to get to know the truth. 600 km is quite an easy distance to cover. Apparently, neither of you has matured to materialize this relationship. Real things happen in real, or real, life.
Maybe you should treat yourself to interpersonal training? It is a very interesting experience of a weekly meeting of several people under the supervision of a trainer (usually a psychologist). You will learn a lot about yourself: you will see, hear and feel what attracts other people and what repels other people. Nobody will judge you - you will tell each other what you feel, how you perceive yourself. Maybe there you will "track" why you build so much on the correspondence relationship, even though you like people. Think about it, make yourself such a gift for the NewOne year, and a lot will change in your life!
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Bohdan BielskiPsychologist, specialist with 30 years of experience, trainer of psychosocial skills, expert psychologist of the District Court in Warsaw.
Main areas of activity:mediation services, family counseling, care for a person in a crisis situation, manager training.
First of all, it focuses on building good relationships based on understanding and respect. He undertook numerous crisis interventions and took care of people in a deep crisis.
He lectured in forensic psychology at the Faculty of Psychology of SWPS in Warsaw, at the University of Warsaw and the University of Zielona Góra.
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