Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. However, when felt too often, too strongly and inadequately to the situation, it can poison or even destroy life.
Like joy, sadness, and fear, anger is one of your primary emotions. Babies get angry when they want something. In adults, too, anger is usually a signal that some needs are not being met. It can perform positive functions: mobilize to action, express disagreement with bad treatment by others, strengthen self-esteem. But there is also anger that has a destructive power.
toxic anger
There are people (and unfortunately many of them) who, when they get angry, severely hurt others - family, friends, co-workers.
Toxic anger is one that occurs much too often, much too intensely, and lasts much too long.
People who are in a close relationship with the evil one suffer severe physical and mental damage . The consequences of toxic anger may include deep sadness, depression, withdrawal, low self-esteem or learned helplessness. The latter causes the inability to cope with life and mindless consent to everything that happens to us.
The price we pay for a relationship with an angry man is also loss of he alth (e.g. circulatory disorders, problems with pressure, insomnia migraines). Toxic anger, especially when experienced in childhood, can leave permanent scars in the psyche.
Angry people are among us
Anger is more often shown by men, but there are more and more angry women every year. Toxic anger is increasingly presented by children and teenagers. We can encounter an angry man not only at home, but also at work or in an office.
The coping mechanism in such situations is always similar (except for children who require a special educational approach). The most important thing is to defend your own borders and avoid confrontation. So, if you see someone in your company - your supervisor, for example - becomes angry, don't react emotionally in the first place. Wait for the storm to pass (e.g. when you go to another room) and then try to talk or say clearly but calmly that you do not wish to be treated in this way.
The fault is not in you
How to survive in a relationship where there is toxic anger? As in every daydeal with angry people?
When you are touched by someone's anger, you usually ask yourself: why is this person reacting this way? And at first you look for the guilt in yourself. What have I done wrong? Maybe the boss is right that I'm inept. Maybe my partner is rightly angry about the mess in the apartment. Maybe I should try harder…
Stop! Here is the first false belief you need to get rid of. When someone explodes, they are not coping with their emotions. You are not the cause of his anger, but the way this man reacts to reality. Anger is always a reflection of a person, not in the world around them.
There are many factors that determine whether someone reacts impulsively. For example, he may have an angry temperament, which means that his nervous system is inherently hyperactive. The common reasons for such behavior are patterns taken from the family home and experiencing anger in childhood (most often on the part of the father or mother).
The tendency to anger is displayed by people who abuse alcohol and other harmful substances. Almost always where alcoholism is present, there is also psychological or physical abuse. People with depression are susceptible to tantrums (this is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain). Finally, for some people, anger is the only known method of coping with the troubles of everyday life. They cannot cope with stress (because they were not taught it as a child) and therefore use anger. However, whatever the reasons for this behavior, you need to know one thing - you don't have to agree to it!
You don't have to be a victim
People filled with anger need help. The first thing you can do when you are in a close relationship with such a person is to talk. Instead of blaming yourself or pretending to the world that the problem does not exist, try to talk about it calmly.
When the situation is really serious and cannot be repaired within the four walls of your own home, offer to see a psychologist. If your loved one realizes they are not coping with anger, they may be looking for therapy. However, it may also be that he will laugh at your offer, or … he will react with anger. Then you have only one option: instead of waiting for it to change, take action yourself. Try to change your thinking and your behavior. It's important for you to understand that your life doesn't have to be ruled by his anger.
How can you benefit from it? First of all, you will free yourself from the role of victim and regain respect for yourself. Maybe you will be less scared, expand your circle of friends, improve your relations with children … Maybe then your "nervousness" will notice his problem?