Anger is a problem when aggression is followed by it. But learning to discharge your anger early will stop its destructive effects. In order to control the wave of rising anger, you need to be aware of it, name its symptoms, express the so-called "prompts" and use "reducers". How to do it step by step?

Anger is a feeling we need and have a vital function. It informs us that the existing reality differs significantly in what we expect or need in a given situation. It is anger that gives a signal of danger, mobilizing for defense; is an indicator of the quality of relationships with others and alerts you to the need for change.

Anger is a remnant of evolution: it mobilizes to action, serves to protect one's rights, performs cathartic functions (relieving aggressive tension), and is also of great importance in the organization of social movements.

Thanks to the experienced and expressed anger, people are able to change reality, scare off the aggressor, integrate against unacceptable decisions by politicians, build their image and even win partners. Expressing anger is instrumentally used in the course of ongoing negotiations and in attempts to integrate feuding groups around "another enemy".

Anger is commonly called a negative emotion, although the functions it performs are adaptive. A negative assessment of anger results from the way it is expressed, the discomfort of experiencing it, or from experiencing the effects of discharging one's own or someone else's anger.

Anger in our culture is viewed negatively and there is little talk about anger management. In Western cultures, it is common to emphasize the positives of expressing anger, both for the quality of social relationships, macrosocial processes, and individual he alth.

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Symptoms of an anger attack

Expressing anger is always a problem when aggression is followed by it. But anger is not always a harbinger of aggression, and aggression is not always the result of experienced anger. Anger is often accompanied by sadness and a sense of hurt, and it is this sense of hurt that can trigger retaliation. How we show our anger, how we control it, and how we discharge it is subject to social evaluation. Our expression of anger issubjected to various treatments so as not to disturb the social order, not to destroy our personal and professional relationships, and not to have a destructive effect on he alth.

When anger appears, there is also a strong physiological arousal, the heart begins to beat harder, the blood flows more intensively to the hands (preparation for defense or attack), the cognitive possibilities narrow, it is more difficult to catch the distance, to predict the consequences. Anger at others, objects or at yourself (auto-aggression) can turn into a destructive element. Unexpressed, repressed in the form of sadness, it can carry depression or other mental and physical he alth disorders, but if well recognized and tame it can give you he althy, positive, vital energy.

How to learn to control your anger?

If you have a problem with controlling your anger, it is getting out of hand and it is not in line with your intentions, with how you want to be perceived and how you want to build relationships with others, you can prepare a prescription, an algorithm of behavior, which you will hold on to when you feel angry. When experiencing situations in which anger turns into aggression directed at objects, loved ones or yourself, it is worth asking for help from a psychologist, a therapist with whom, in safe conditions, you will learn to replace aggression with constructive ways of relieving mental tension, or take advantage of group training in dealing with anger or aggression replacement training.

How to deal with anger?

  1. An important first step in curbing your anger isrecognizing it, making it aware , calling it "I feel angry", "I get angry." naming the fact, information about us.
  2. The next step is to identifydescribe the situation that contributed to the anger . "When she said that, she did when she insulted me, saying I stole it", "when I lost my phone", "when my boss criticized me", "when my baby refused to eat" etc.
  3. Then it is importantname and describe the symptomsof experienced anger, signals sent by the body that tell you about anger. Everyone experiences anger in their own way, so take a look at what your body tells you in this situation. Try to name what is happening with your body: for example: you feel hot, you feel your breathing speed up, your breaths become short, you start twirling nervously, you need to move your hands, etc.
  4. Then theexpression of the so-called "prompts" , i.e. content that will mute negative messages and calm down the chaos of thoughts, e.g. "I'm trying to calm down","this situation can be solved, but not now", "I do not want to go too far, this is the moment when it is worth withdrawing", "I want to change, so I will not wade further", "helplessness is a state of which I want to deal with without violence "," I know my own, but I will not force others to convince "," I do not agree with him, but I do not want it to cause a big argument "," I do not bounce the ball anymore, it's the way nowhere "," it's not worth discussing now, better if we put it off ".
  5. To calm downyou can use the so-called reducers. Calm, controlled breathing, applying your own mantra, counting backwards, trying to make calculations that require concentration, reciting a long poem in your mind, remembering what your favorite painting or photo looks like, trying to visualize details, thinking about some safe place, remembering pleasant moments, going for a walk, taking up sports activities. You may not be able to find the right reducer right away, but it is worth trying a few simple ways to find the most effective one.
  6. If you were able togo through your anger constructively, you can congratulate yourself. Is it worth analyzing the whole situation and looking at what helped you stay out of trouble and express your anger appropriately?However, if you failedthis time, check what exactly upset you. What were your thoughts and words that triggered aggression. What were the consequences? Learn and try to apply the changes with your next tantrum. In fact, training to deal with anger is extremely simple. However, if it is to bring the intended results, it requires consistency in action. It is worth making further attempts to constructively express anger for the sake of our own comfort and the relationships we care about.

Category:

Psychology