I'm 3 years old with my girlfriend, I'm 20, and she is 21. As in a relationship, there were days when we argued quite intensely, and later we both regretted a lot. Generally, we agreed that when we finish school, we will go abroad to earn and start living in our apartment without loans. It turned out that I let her go alone, and worse, I got her the job myself. I didn't go because I found a really good and well-paid job in Poland. However, she has already been abroad for a month. At first she didn't like it because it's hard at work etc., but she gradually got used to it. Now I found out that she does not want to come back … Somehow I forced her to come back in a month, that is at the end of the summer holidays, but as far as I know, after a short visit to Poland, she wants to come back. So already in the fall, and what is worse, she said that it would be for more than half a year. After a month, I can't do it, I miss it all day and think about it, even though I meet my friends, I have a job and I spend my time actively so as not to have a lot of time to think. Even so, it stays in my head all the time. I love her very much. I don't know why she wants to stay there. The worst part is that I can't quit my job, or rather, don't want to. Because later I will regret it. I am young, I was also thinking about going abroad, but I don't see anything cool in it, working from 6am to 9pm every day except Sunday. It's not life! Here in Poland, although my earnings are lower, I have a lot of time for myself after work. I would love her to come back to me and stay with me. I was even considering starting a family, maybe it would keep her with me. I miss you so much.
The problem you are writing about concerns many relationships. It often happens that young people rebuild their plans and decide to meet their needs that change over time. I'm afraid I can't come up with an ideal way to keep a girl by your side. A union has a chance of success if both parties are willing to get involved. I know that when a feeling is very intense it can be difficult to follow my advice, but what can help you out of such a complicated situation is honestly talking about your plans and needs.
Try to think about where you see yourself in the next 3 years, which is for each ofimportant to you. It is also worth asking what is behind the idea of your partner staying abroad. Perhaps she treats it as an investment in your common future, and parting ways are as difficult for her as it is for you. It is also worth asking yourself, "Why do I want to build a relationship with someone who sees our future together differently from me?" An honest conversation with your partner instead of guessing is an introduction to dealing with the problem.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Patrycja Szeląg-JaroszPsychologist, coach, personal development trainer. She gained professional experience working in the field of psychological support, crisis intervention, professional activation and coaching.He specializes in the area of life coaching, supporting the client in improving the quality of life, strengthening self-esteem and active self-esteem, maintaining life balance and effectively dealing with the challenges of everyday life. She has been associated with non-governmental organizations in Warsaw since 2007, co-runs the Center for Personal Development and Psychological Services of the Compass
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