I'm 14 years old. My parents are probably 9 years after divorce, I live with my mother, stepfather and their two children. I have an older sister who moved out a year ago. Dad's girlfriend does not accept me, and neither does my sister, so she forbade her to come, and I myself do not come because of her and because when I was little my dad used to abuse my mother, sister and me (I know this from mom). My stepfather hit a couple of times too, but I know it was out of control. I upset him. I know that my dad once wanted to take revenge on mum for leaving him. That's why I'm afraid of him. I also have a void in my heart after two boys who promised me so much and lied to me about their love for me. As a result, I can't even trust my friends anymore (my old friend, my mother and sister told me I was weird). I don't want to get depressed, but the worst thing was that when I started 1st grade in junior high, nobody liked me. Now I have three friends and one friend and I want them to like me. Everyone is trying to help me, but it doesn't work. One of these girlfriends hacked my account on a social network and wrote stupid things to my friends, and now begs me for forgiveness. I also have a problem with my thoughts - I want to call every teacher and student, take revenge on the class for making me a scapegoat or do something to my dad for hurting people important to me. The teacher at my school says I'm oversensitive, but I feel that things are getting worse with me.
Reading your message, I realized that it is not easy for you, you experienced violence, separation of parents, heartbreak and disappointment in friendship. I pay tribute to how you coped in the past and how you are doing now, despite the lack of sufficient support from both my relatives and the school. Having negative thoughts and experiencing anger and sadness seems to be a natural consequence of difficult experiences in the past, not having enough help, and that you are in adolescence.
Now it's important to find a smart, friendly adult (psychologist, family member) who you can honestly talk to and (hopefully) get help. Even if it has failed in the past, noquit.
You write that you now have a few friends around you, try to use the support, time they give you, or conversations about what you think and feel. What is happening to you now is also because you are maturing. In this specific period, we feel everything more intensely, difficult feelings are more acute, and the feeling of loneliness and injustice intensify. Man can be hostile to the world and people, sometimes even aggressive. The important thing is that you have insight into what you are feeling and that you clearly name what you have experienced.
Nobody has the right to use violence against you or invade your privacy. Responsibility for these actions lies with those who break these rules. I don't like that your educator talks about oversensitivity, well, maybe she doesn't understand what is happening to you. At this age, you have a right to be vulnerable and your life experiences are difficult.
I will repeat once again use the competences that you have and had in the past, they allowed you to cope with difficult situations. It is worth finding a kind adult (e.g. a psychologist) who will accompany you in all these hardships. Also, use the support of friends you write about. I do not know which city you are from, so I will recommend nationwide helplines for young people, e.g. 116 111, share your difficulties. People working in this type of phone can support you on an ad hoc basis, but also advise you where you could receive specialist support. Be sure to use the help of a psychologist, preferably a psychotherapist at a mental he alth clinic for children and adolescents, or another clinic that offers a free offer. It is also worth telling your mother about how you feel, what is happening with you - involve her so that she will help you find a specialist who will not downplay your experiences.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Patrycja Szeląg-JaroszPsychologist, coach, personal development trainer. She gained professional experience working in the field of psychological support, crisis intervention, professional activation and coaching.He specializes in the area of life coaching, supporting the client in improving the quality of life, strengthening self-esteem and active self-esteem, maintaining life balance and effectively dealing with the challenges of everyday life. She has been associated with non-governmental organizations in Warsaw since 2007, co-runs the Center for Personal Development and Psychological Services of the Compass
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