- Being active isn't when you sit on the couch and say, "I don't like what I look like, but I don't want to do anything about it." This is not an invisibility cap under which you have to hide problems, but self-acceptance while working on yourself - say Ewa Zakrzewska - plus size model, stylist, author of the Ewokracja blog and Daria Papis - plus size model, running the ToTalnie channel on YouTube.
Are you a plus size person who spends a lot of time on Instagram and viewing YouTube videos, and sometimes even glances at the TV? There is a good chance that you know the names of Ewa Zakrzewska and Daria Papis. Especially if you choose specific programs to finally see girls of a similar size in them, and you browse social media to find other people from the plus-size community.
- At least let's be honest: What does it mean - plus size? We can't put all the women wearing clothes larger than 38 into one bag. In fashion, regardless of size, the point is that you should be able to choose clothes that suit you - the ones that will look the best on you. No matter if you are an hourglass, an apple or a pear, you can always hide something and display something to look and feel feminine - says Ewa Zakrzewska.
"What if …?" Not! Act here and now
But how do you do this to build that sense of femininity and confidence in a world that prefers XS over XL?
- I always "accused" my weight of my failures. I don't have a man, I don't have a good job? It's the fault of my size, not my approach. For me, my mother has always been an example: a very feminine, caring person. Also plus size. When she's walking down the street, guys are watching her, she's elegant and modest at the same time.
We had a lot of conversations, I got a lot of support from her. In the end, I found that since my mother supports me, since so many people tell me that I am pretty, I like to wear makeup and play with fashion, it's time to start doing it every day, and not to think that maybe I would do it if I were slimmer - says Daria.
Ewa for several yearsshe lived in England. In Poland, she was "too fat" to work as a waitress ( although she did it when she was a teenager, so she had experience), her English was not enough for potential Polish employers.
- One gentleman made it clear to me during the interview that "sorry, but with this appearance I will not hire you". I walked out of there crying. In England, it was my first time looking for a job in Jersey. It is forbidden to add a photo to the CV there, so as not to discriminate against anyone on the basis of appearance.
I was a bit afraid of the first meetings with employers, but … there was no problem. My English suddenly turned out to be so good that I could easily work with clients, my size was no obstacle to work in a clothing store. I heard that I am really amazing!
A friend I was working with said: Get dressed somehow! Still only those cargo pants and cortoses, the hairstyle is unknown. You have money, buy yourself something. And so I lived to see my first blouse with a neckline in my life. It turned out that in England I am somewhere in the middle of size, that I have clothes in stores. It was amazing. I got into it so much that I started sending 50 kg parcels to Poland, I became seriously interested in fashion.
"Do you have a body? Are you an athlete!"
Along with greater self-acceptance comes the belief that it is worth taking care of yourself, because you just want to, and not with the approach: it will definitely be coercion and endless hard labor. Although the beginnings can be difficult. As Ewa Zakrzewska says:
- When I started going to the gym, the trainer sent me to a medical examination so that the doctor could assess my he alth condition, and on this basis, he helped me determine which exercises were more or less advisable for me.
I went on a private visit and … was only measured and weighed. I brought all the papers with me, and he didn't even look at them. He stated that I am obese and that is my problem. And yet I just wanted to do something about it.
I complained to his boss, who weighed and measured me again, giving me the phone number of a friend who was reducing stomachs.
I didn't get any indications - can I make bends, twists? How about training crossfit? I can weigh and measure myself, and I paid a lot of money for it.
The worst thing is when you do something you don't like. I had several trainers and I was not entirely satisfied with the form of the exercises. I felt pressure to do what everyone else was doing. More stress, no fun.
I like to exercise with weights and machines, so that's what I try to domost often. Although it happens to me - as probably everyone - I have breaks in exercises. At my best, I trained 5 days a week. Ba! Even sambo - Russian martial art, together with my husband, who tricked me into an intermediate group instead of the basic class, but I made it!
Daria adds:
- I think with plus size girls the biggest problem is getting overboard and going to the gym altogether. In Poland, at the gym you can see mainly people who at first glance do not look like they need it.
And if you are plus size, you think that in these exercises you will stand out among all those miss international who take pics for Instagram. I couldn't decide to go to the gym for a long time.
First I started going to the swimming pool and after the first attempts I dreamed of drowning there, I wanted to cry. Then it was over and I started to enjoy it. I felt good at the swimming pool, because I kept telling myself that it was nothing, because although I'm in a swimsuit, when I submerge, no one sees me.
And then my husband said, "You're insane. You're racing in your suit and you have no problem with it, and you don't want to go to the gym in sweatpants." So we went - in the very center of Mokotów, during rush hour. And… it was great. I saw girls of my size, grandmothers my mother's age. In fact, everyone doesn't care that I go over there and practice. They take care of themselves. And finally, I also lost interest in what I look like there.
That's why girls! I strongly encourage you to push yourself and try going to the gym. At the beginning, you can choose the estate one or only for women. It is worth taking care of your he alth so that you can enjoy it with your loved ones as long as possible.
"Gee, do you weigh so much? Are you okay with your he alth? What's so skinny? You're not gonna disappear right now?"
What about negative comments?
- The worst thing is hate in the form of false concern - says Daria. - Someone plus size may hear: "You are fat, you will die soon", while thin people are, according to the benevolent ones, "so thin that they will disappear soon". People think that if they say to someone, "gosh, you're about to disappear," they won't hurt that person the way they insult someone of larger size, but they are not.
Take, for example, Małgosia Rozenek - she has a great figure, I could think: "Gosh, she looks like a million bucks. If I had a body like this, I wouldn't have any problems. " But no! She gets hate for the fact that if she has dogs, they're purebred, not from a shelter, that her husband kicks a ball and is an idiot, even in such an intimate matter,like her troubles getting pregnant.
As Ewa says:
- The worst thing is when hate comes from relatives, parents. There was an unpleasant comment on one of my posts once… from the mother-in-law of one of the plus size bloggers who is also a doctor! It would seem that she should be able to stop herself from doing something like that … Let's just respect each other as girls, no matter what the size.
On the Internet, my observers sometimes try to defend me by attacking slim women. Sometimes, in the comments, there is a backlash caused by high emotions. And while these girls are on my side, I'm deleting their entries. It is unthinkable for me to defend one person by attacking someone else.
Less hate, more love. Less drama, more glitter
- I think it's hardest for young girls, teenagers. I wish that when I was their age I didn't have us - girls who show that being plus size you can like yourself and look great - says Daria Papis.
Whereas Ewa Zakrzewska notes:
- The hate on the internet is so severe that if I were 13, I don't know if I would have managed it. There are groups against these girls, memes, body shaming is strong. And so I think it is calm with me. Maybe also because I often mention the acceptance of all sizes, that I don't mean promoting obesity.
Anyway, what's the allegation? Did you look at my photos, at my blog, and immediately wanted to gain weight? Probably not. It's not about promoting obesity, it's about being he althy about yourself. I would like to invite all bloggers, Youtubers, simply women who encounter hate because of their size to participate in our campaign - adds Ewa.
A pro-female event with girls of all sizes is planned. At the event, you will be able to buy T-shirts designed by Ewa Zakrzewska - both feminine and with a positive message.
Bloggers, Youtubers and Instagramers will be involved in promoting the campaign, but the event is organized primarily not with "ordinary" girls in mind. Not only plus size, but also those who have to explain that "they are unfeminine and unappetizing, because they are so slim."
The income from the sale of T-shirts will be donated to the Aż Sobie Zazdroszczę Foundation led by Aleksandra Dejewska. The goal of the foundation is to help people with eating disorders and depression.
- Unfortunately, when it comes to eating disorders, I know the problem. I have been slimming out of self-hatred all my life, I never thought about my he alth.I have tested all possible diets, always being afraid of the yo-yo effect. Now I want to help other girls avoid this.
As Daria adds: - It will be a feminine, intimate meeting during which the girls will be able to chat and eat something in a more relaxed atmosphere. It is supposed to give them self-confidence, give them a sense of belonging to a community. After all, it will be something tangible, not virtual, and without dividing women into camps: no skeletons, no whales. We would like to disprove this approach.
"Skeleton" and "whale" are unambiguously pejorative expressions, and what about the words: "thick", "thick"?
Daria: - I remember our joint trip to Gdańsk. We went with Ewa to one of the chain stores that has a plus size department. We walked and walked around this store, unable to find it. Finally, a slim lady working there came up to us and asked what she could help with.
Eve replied straight from the bridge: "Where is the department for fat people?". The unfortunate woman, unaccustomed to such directness, was completely choked. So I intervened: "Plus Size Department". "Oh, yes, yes, of course. He's already showing to the ladies."
I used to distance myself from the word "fat", now it is much smaller, especially when we talk to each other like that. However, I would be careful with such phrases towards a newly met person - some people may not want to be called fat.
How (not) to dress?
Ewa Zakrzewska has been dealing with this issue for years:
- There is still a problem with plus size clothes in shops. In England, buying clothes in larger sizes is not a problem, a Polish plus size woman can find the largest selection of clothes on the Internet, most often on foreign websites.
It has happened many times that being invited as a guest, not a model, to a program, I had to bring clothes myself, from which the stylist would "come up with something" or I dressed other plus-size girls from the program.
Immediately after returning from England, I opened a boutique with clothes in larger sizes. With clothes full of colors, different styles, with stylist's advice. It didn't work then, the girls conservatively preferred to choose bags.
I think it would be different today. That is why, when I was preparing two Tom & Rose collections, I tried not to make them leggings and pulled-out t-shirts, which are mercifully and generously sold to fat people. Two women's collections were created - sets that can be freely combined with each other.
Daria: - When the first collection went on sale, I bought a coat, which my colleague from work enchanted with it a moment later. She went to the store on 20minutes after me, but they were all sold out.
I had a problem with choosing a wedding dress. In one of the stores, a consultant gave me a size 36 dress, told me to put it against me and imagine what it would look like on me … I didn't want to let go and buy a dress like that that I can't try on yet.
Driven by the princess syndrome, I dreamed that my dress would be a phenomenon, with a cathedral veil. I started looking for her in England and Sweden. And suddenly it turned out that not only are my sizes available, but that for the first time I have to use dress clips so that the bigger ones do not fall off.
There were no questions about my size at all, but about the cut. There was no problem with any of them and I bought my dream dress. Unfortunately for many plus size girls, after this wedding search, the most beautiful day in their life becomes a nightmare.
Ewa: - Once I did some tests and called various salons. These women didn't even see me, but when I asked for a 46 or 48 size mermaid dress, I heard I was kidding. That at this size in life they would not put me in this cut. I wouldn't wear a mermaid, but I know girls who look great in it, and they are size 46 or even 52.
This is a common problem. At one of the wedding fairs, a girl mentioned that they had tied a dress that was too small to her with a string …
Once I accompanied my friend in the purchase and when we found out that we would not try on a dress in a too small size 38, the woman torn a piece of paper in front of our eyes with information about the promotion and warned that we would not be able to sew it in this size later .
Other clients were just coming in, so I said loudly that we have enough time, no one has to put pressure on us, because it is below the bottom. Now, when I am at a wedding fair and I ask for larger sizes, representatives of salons are fooled that they do not have them. They try to explain themselves and ensure that they will fill in the gaps. And I think to myself: great, something is changing.
Daria: Each of our 10 comments on YouTube: "cool, thumbs up" there are the following: "Thanks to you, for the first time in my life I put on a dress, put on a costume and go to the beach. We create a community in which girls feel accepted, beautiful. It's worth doing it for such moments ".