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Do you know why we fall in love? What attracts people to each other at first is chemistry. Hormones sharpen the senses, evoke strong feelings about the other person. What determines if a relationship survives after falling in love?

When you like someone, a signal reaches your brain that triggers the production ofhormones . Norepinephrine makes your pupils dilate, you feelexcitement , your heart beats faster.Dopaminecauses a feeling of euphoria, blood flows faster in the veins, increases the heart rate. Phenylethylamine causes squeezing in the dimple, breathlessness. On the other hand, the decrease in serotonin levels is responsible for lack of concentration, chaotic activities, sleep problems, obsessive thinking about a loved one.
However, whether or not a given person is our other half, one can find out only after some time, when the hormone storm has passed (this state usually lasts up to 2 years). When your hormone levels drop (and the dizziness disappears), your hormone levels can return to normal, or a new equilibrium occurs, caused by oxytocin and vasopressin, the hormones of a stable relationship.

Falling in love - how it begins

The first stage of falling in love (the romantic phase, it can last up to 2 years) is the time when we are infatuated with our partner, it seems beautiful, perfect, without flaws. A dream prince… But usually it's just an illusion.
From the moment we get to know each other, the process of turning from princesses and princes into frogs begins, as it happens in fairy tales. Once the emotions and illusions have subsided (the projection withdrawal phase), the partner turns out to be ordinary.
If we do not accept this, the relationship usually ends. And we are looking for another partner who may turn out to be our next illusion.


Casual sex can be the beginning of love for a woman. This is due to the hormones released during orgasm.

But there may also be a different situation - we dig each in our position and start fighting for whose better. We create our own worlds and our common paths begin to diverge. Some people stay in such a state of hibernation and dislike for many years. They have no incentive to fix anything in their relationship. Sometimes an event breaks them out of their stagnation, e.g. loss of job, romance, then they come to the conclusion that it is worth fighting for.

Falling in love - when you lose your delusions …

There is also a positive scenario: when we lose our delusions towards our partner, it can be an impulse to work in our relationship. It is worth realizing then what are our desires, which our beloved fulfills, what is valuable in him, what can be changed and what is not, and what we bring to the relationship, what are our advantages and disadvantages, what we can give to the other about yourself. If we recognize that we are able to satisfy some of the needs on our own, and that what our partner gives satisfies us, we have a chance to establish mutual relations and build a satisfying relationship.

Hormone levels and personality type

Prof. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey and an expert in the study of the evolution of romantic love, developed a theory of partner selection according to four personality types related to the levels of hormones and neurotransmitters in the brain: dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone. The first type is a seeker, the second is a builder, the third is a negotiator, and the fourth is a director.

  • The seekers are thrill-seeking, creative and spontaneous.
  • The builders are calm and balanced, cautious, they value traditional values.
  • Negotiators are inventive, flexible, interpersonal and have a lot of empathy.
  • Directors are the opposite of negotiators. They are distinguished by their analytical mind, tendency to compete, a sense of independence, and a strong personality. They are realists and skeptics.

Interestingly, these types can be identified by their appearance (e.g. high testosterone levels are manifested by a strong jaw, strongly defined browbones, and dopamine by an expressive face).
The researcher notes that people with high levels of estrogen (regardless of gender, because both women and men produce estrogen) are chosen by people with high testosterone levels and vice versa. On the other hand, people with high levels of dopamine and those with high levels of serotonin feel best among others.

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