I have been hearing signals from kindergarten for some time that my son is naughty. He cannot or does not want to play with children and beats them. He explains that they are disturbing him and our explanations that such behavior is wrong. It got to the point that he disturbed the teacher in conducting the classes and is punished forever by this lady, the last punishment was standing in the corridor. I don't want to go to extra-curricular activities (dancing), although she likes them. While these activities are taking place, the remaining children have free time and can play, therefore they do not want to go to them. I believe that something is wrong in kindergarten. My son is 4 years old and he goes to this kindergarten in his second year, but such problems have started only recently. From my observations of his behavior at home or outside, it appears that he is completely different than in kindergarten. He can play with children, share his toys. He gets nervous quickly when something goes wrong, he is nervous, but he can also keep busy, e.g. with painting or arranging puzzles. I'm worried that the teacher has a group of favorite kids and my son is the bad guy.

Żaneto! The description shows that your kindergarten teacher cannot cope with children who do not want to listen to her. She uses the simplest for her, but the least educative method of punishment. A wise educator looks at the child individually. Seeing undesirable reactions, he tries to determine their cause. He should know the pupil enough to know "how to approach him effectively". There are many ways, and punishment to provoke rebellion is the worst choice. It is difficult to say why the kindergarten teacher works like that. Maybe she has too many children in the group and is lost, maybe she is ignorant, or maybe she is completely uninterested in her face. In this profession, a "difficult" child requires more attention and constructive influence. To help the pupil, you need to notice his rebellion and think about it. Why did your son suddenly disturb the peace and order in the kindergarten? There can be many reasons - both events (sometimes perceived by us as minor) and unmet needs of the child. Adventurism, refusal to participate, unconventional behavior, etc. are common ways of drawing attention to themselves in children. The child has already noticed that you notice them then. He marks his own "I" and ceases to be an anonymous "mass", becomes the hero of the day. I don't know if your son has this onereaction scheme. I am giving it as an example of a possible situation because it is one of the more frequent. The educator's task is to redirect this "heroism" to another plane. Therefore, he must propose an interesting activity, notice and watch over what and how the child does, praise and set others as an example. The most unruly preschooler is commendable every day. Someone tied their shoes efficiently, someone drew a nice drawing, someone borrowed a toy, someone helped you or a friend, did they remember to wash their hands, etc. hand and praise (reward). Respond to the antics with a short, firm admonition. Contrary to appearances, the average four-year-old knows that it is forbidden to hit, tear out toys and use bad words. Just remind him of it. If your kindergarten teacher cannot do it and you are convinced that she divides children into better and worse - change the kindergarten. It is not a good solution because of the friends with whom my son has already become close (unless he does not like anyone). There is also a risk that it will not get better in another kindergarten. You would need to obtain more information from the parents who use the facility in advance. You can also consult a psychologist who will examine your son and determine what are the child's strongest needs, resulting from the personality and nervous structure. He will then also be able to say what is the most favorable course of action. For the time being, I would advise you to mediate with the kindergarten teacher. Show concern for your son's antics. Tell about the conversation with the child ("they bother me") and how he behaves outside the kindergarten. Ask what do you see the causes of the child's bad behavior. Ask her to keep her son close to her and let him (if he wants to) play alone. That she would give him individual tasks and praise him more often and punish him less often. With a calm conversation, such a tactic can solve the problem. By the way, keeping the child in the hallway during classes is unacceptable. The preschooler may not be deprived of classes and remain unattended. So much for the time being. Regards. B.

Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.

Barbara Śreniowska-Szafran

Educator with many years of experience.

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