Hello. I am the mother of a six-year-old. My son is an exemplary so-called a polite child. Calm, orderly, eager to learn, keeps order, etc. I've always liked the fact that he reaches out to adults' arguments and he doesn't mindlessly insist on his own. Only that at some point we went too far, because my son lost faith in his own choices. With each decision, he asks everyone for their opinion and still cannot decide whether, for example, to go for a walk or not. I am afraid it will have even worse consequences in the future - what to do? My second worry is that my son succumbs to the influence of the dominant children in kindergarten - he can be intimidated, he feels inferior to them, their toys are always better etc., and yet he clings to them because he is bored with other children. A year ago, one of the kids intimidated him so much (a policeman dad will kill our parents - a five-year-old boy !!) that his son did everything for him - he stole candies for prizes, even though he did not want it very much, etc. At one point he began to have diarrhea before going to kindergarten so I figured there was a problem. He didn't want to talk about anything, everything was fine in kindergarten, but he didn't want to go there. I was terrified by the joint trip with the boy's parents and himself - my son did everything at the dictation of his friend, no initiative, even my opinion did not count. After talking to the teacher, it turned out that this boy is just like that and every now and then he chooses a different victim for mental abuse, but in the case of his son he did it very discreetly and the teacher did not notice that the problem was so big. The separation of the boys helped, they sit at different tables, are in other groups in extracurricular activities, play little with each other. But is it really that boy's problem or is it my son who has victim syndrome? However, most children in kindergarten are immune to such influences and intimidation. How to increase self-esteem and resistance to such situations at school? At home or with his grandparents, the son likes to brag about his achievements, but in the company of children he feels inferior. Where did we go wrong?
Hello! This is not a mistake, but a child's personality traits. The little son is externally controllable, and therefore susceptible to the influences and manipulations of stronger personalities. Most often, these features are accompanied by shyness (aso and limited own initiative) and no aggression. When a child encounters a "terrorist", he submits to his will. Self-esteem, separateness and self-confidence are the basis for learning to be assertive. A six-year-old should already learn this difficult art in order not to be manipulated into unwanted situations that humiliate him. Self-esteem comes from success. Success is measured by the acceptance of the environment. Praise the child for all, even small achievements. Ask the tutor to give your son the opportunity to show his good sides and talents. That she would entrust him with tiny, self-contained tasks (e.g. handing out crayons) and praise him in front of the group. A child gains confidence when he knows that he is good or best at something and knows that it is accepted. You should also talk to your son about the fact that you should tell your friend "no!" When he persuades us to do something wrong, or ask adults for help. One has to read fairy tales or stories in which the protagonist is able to resist evil persuasions, or to actively oppose evil (eg Mr. Z. Nienacki's car). Another issue is the loss of decision-making power. It might just be out of comfort. This is especially true of insignificant matters. For a son to be able to choose, it is necessary to practice. When he asks you to choose for him, say: - You know best what you would like. He must feel his individuality and expect him to make independent decisions in his own affairs. Try to often make your child have to choose between two attractive offers (e.g. cinema or zoo?, Ice cream or a cake?). This will force him to make a decision. Use games in which you have to choose or have your own opinion. Reassure your son in the belief that it is worth implementing your own "six-year-old" ideas. Help him in this. Praise and support the smallest initiatives. Decision games such as "The Businessman" or even "Scrable" can also be helpful. Also, try to talk to the psychologist about your son's problems. Maybe he would suggest participation in a therapeutic group or suggest helpful techniques for working with the child. Regards. B.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Barbara Śreniowska-SzafranEducator with many years of experience.
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