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What to do to make your son choose his friends better? He goes to a good school, has friends who are of a certain level, but he is much more comfortable with those who live in the area, wear hoods, drink beer in the park and go to the plot for parties. He himself understands that he cannot meet both at the same time. He chooses what is easier. It's getting harder and harder to persuade him to read a book etc. In class, unfortunately, he also chooses what is easier … He apologizes, and the next day he does the same. I am not free from the problems associated with it. I feel lonely with this, because my husband is constantly offended by him for being late and drinking alcohol. Last year we visited a therapist. The son and husband had several meetings to fix their relationship. Unfortunately, nothing has changed. The situation is developing in the wrong direction because it has been going on for a few years now. The son obeys his father more. The latter, in turn, escapes from the problem. Is he afraid of failure? What should I - a mother - do, loving, not always consistent? And how not to go crazy? Thank you in advance for your answer. A loving, but very tired mother of an 18-year-old … (My husband had a serious problem with alcohol and I raised the children alone. Now he is at home, but there is still no time for the children. He just can't do it …)
We parents are always worried about our children. When something goes wrong, we don't always know how to be in it. Your son is on the verge of childhood and adulthood. He is looking for his own place in reality. It chooses not what you want. But is there really a reason to despair? There is nothing wrong with just wearing the hood and partying. I understand you would prefer him to be in a more developing company. Nevertheless, there is a reason why he chooses these guys. Maybe it is easier to be accepted by peers here, and does not feel critically assessed at home and at school? I suppose that among these colleagues he feels completely free and grown up (or so he thinks). From a future perspective, alcohol is a downside if it is in excess. Your son knows alcohol problems. This can prevent him from becoming addicted. For now, he is checking what it is like to drink and underlining his adulthood with it. Every young person is hungry for new experiences. Let us be comforted that in this age nothing is permanent. Interests, activities and company often change. What are youcan you do for the baby Reach tutors and colleagues who were (or maybe still are) authority figures for the son. Ask them to try to draw the boy into another world. After all, he is interested in something, wants something, somehow imagines his further life. Try to talk to your son about it, not in an atmosphere of reproach, but in building a vision for the future. Try to talk about his talents and "horses". Maybe he will remember that he is worth something and will be willing to devote himself to these matters? Offer your help in developing interests and overcoming any current troubles. Find out how he intends to solve the school problem. which he has to finish somehow. He has the right to party, but there are other things he has to think about when standing on the threshold of an adult, independent life. These are serious discussions that must be had. Your son should know that you are not condemning him, but are his ally. He's no longer the age when you can tell him something. But you should show a sympathetic interest in his affairs and offer help. Only calm, cordial conversations can be effective in this situation. It is not always successful the first time. But don't be put off. An eighteen-year-old can appreciate his mother's wisdom, although he finds it hard to admit it. Good luck. B.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Barbara Śreniowska-SzafranEducator with many years of experience.
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