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Embarrassment in conversation, feeling of alienation, fear of asking for something or answering a simple question, low self-esteem … If we add dry throat, tightness in the larynx, desire to escape from any "public" situation - we have a diagnosis - is shyness.
Shy people do not show initiative. Instead, they choose to withdraw from an uncomfortable situation. They do not speak up, do not oppose, do not propose anything. Despite the fact that they theoretically know, they could, they would. However, fear of failure, "ridicule", making a mistake - literally paralyzes their body.
Reasons for low self-esteem
A common reason forlow self-esteemis a lack of self-confidence. The source may lie in what has happened to us, in real life failures. Let's see if, after something did not work out, we have not labeled ourselves a "life sacrifice", or whether we have allowed ourselves to be pigeonholed by others.
Or maybe in childhood our parents set too high expectations for us and were disappointed in us when we did not live up to them. Or, on the contrary, they did everything for us. And now we are afraid and we assume in advance that we will not cope on our own.
Low self-esteemcan also be a manifestation of unconscious conflicts raging deep within us; reaction to unfulfilled desires: I don't want to be here. I suffer because I constantly force myself to do something. My dream is to do something completely different, which I think I love …
So maybe we are just very emotionally sensitive, we experience everything very much and we cannot afford - as it seems to us - excessive activity.
Causes of low self-esteem
Go back to childhood and recall the sources of shyness, yourconfusionand distrust of others. Getting to know the sources of the problems will allow you to understand the current reactions.
Here are some support questions:
- Did your parents ask you to always be polite / polite?
- Did they keep telling you how to behave, what to say?
- Did they let you react spontaneously, cry out loud and laugh?
- Were your problems important to them? Did you confide in them?
- Did you feel that if you act your way- will you let them down?
How to deal with low self-esteem?
- Think about what you fear most - write everything down carefully.
- Write down situations in which you feel at ease. Try to make an emotional balance often: whenever you think about your mishaps - find their opposite and show them off for something good.
- Learn techniques to make your appearance attractive: make a good impression on those you care about.
- Talk to someone you trust. Trust him and tell him how you go through the situations in which you feel most embarrassed.
- Prepare yourself for the meetings and conversations that await you. Choose clothes the day before, write down the necessary threads and ideas on a piece of paper. When there is a speech waiting for you - practice it in front of the mirror.
- Advance your problem. Just say: I'm a little shy and sometimes it feels like what I say is a little messy, but I think you understand me. This way you will free yourself from the pressure of being the best at all costs. You will become yourself - which should release you from tension.