Katarzyna Gubała, author of the book "Guys from the net", talks about looking for love on the Internet, the advantages and disadvantages of online dating and how to prepare for the search for the love of life.
Do you think that true love can be found on the Internet?
Katarzyna Gubała: Definitely yes. Nowadays, when our life is so fast and we do not even have time to meet friends, the network is a place where we can look for a loved one. It's a tool like any other. Very effective as long as we know how to use it.
How to search for love on the Internet?
K.G .: You have to do it safely. In the book "Guys from the Internet" I provide specific safeguards that should be done in order not to lose privacy on the Internet and still feel at ease. The search itself is worth starting with a plan. While it doesn't sound very romantic when it comes to matters involving the heart, a good plan is essential. We must first answer the question of who we ourselves are. How do you look for a loved one if you don't know who we are ?! Let's think about what we like and what we don't. Let's think if we are happy in our work or not. This will give us a vision of where we are going. It is worth answering the following questions: Do I want to buy a flat or do I prefer for my partner to have one? Do I like parties or do I need silence at a given moment in my life? As a woman, do I want to have a baby? Or maybe the most important thing for me now is having fun and enjoying life?
What's next when the expectation list is ready?
K.G .: Once we know who we are and where we are going, let's do the same with a potential partner whom we would like to meet. Let's write with which person we would feel best. And I do not mean the so-called Prince Charming, but a real person with real qualities. Should he like fitness or ballroom dancing? Is he to be a homebody or spend time actively?
It is not worth focusing on such features as eye or hair color. Appearance does not always matter (especially in a decade or two when we grow old together). What is important, however, is the consistency of world views, religious beliefs, attitude towards children, sex and acquiring we alth. Only armed with such a list should we sit down in front of the computer monitor and log on to the dating siteportal.
The inventory is useful for making a choice, but also for verifying our visions in real life. It also allows you to narrow down your search. When we enter in the search engine, for example, a man, 30 years old, brunette, non-smoker, Wrocław will give us about a thousand candidates. Somehow you have to find the love of life among this crowd.
When to make an appointment?
K.G .: It's good if we exchange a few e-mails with this person at the beginning. However, it is important to meet in real life. This is the basis. The worst mistake you can make is to fall in love with someone you don't know and have never seen. If the person we're talking to doesn't want to meet, it's a clear sign that something is wrong. Most likely, there is something wrong with her or she is simply afraid. It is the reality that verifies all our advantages and disadvantages described on the profile, and sunlight distracts all Photoshop tricks.
What if the Prince Charming was announced and the Frog King appeared on the date?
K.G .: Decide what to do next after the meeting. It may turn out that despite the unattractive appearance, our interlocutor is a really valuable person. Let's not delete someone just because there is no model figure. If we had a good conversation on the Internet, let's also start talking in real life. It may not be love at first sight, but the feeling may come softly.
Several million singles are looking for the other half on the Internet. How long will this take?
K.G .: Yes. There are many people who are looking for love and are active and willing to make friends. The Internet increases the likelihood of meeting a loved one by up to 50 percent. That's a lot. It's easy to find on the Internet, but it's also easy to get disappointed. There are different types of people who are looking for love and not all of them will suit us. Hence the need to do at the beginning of the list.
It is worth remembering that you have to flip two tons of mud to find a lump of gold. It is the same with online friendships. It takes a year or even two to find that loved one. The probability is high. You just have to trust your reason first, and then trust your heart.
Who most often looks for love on the web?
K.G .: The web is still dominated by people in their 30s, that is, those who have their first loves behind them and have not yet found a life-long partner. It used to be like that and it is now. What's fantastic, there are more and more people aged 50+ on dating sites. These are people who already find themselves in the Internet thicket, know the dangers of the Internet and consciously wait for love. Sometimes seniors are just looking for a soul mate or someone to talk to, but overwhelminglymost want to meet a person with whom they will spend the fall of their lives. And this is the breath of the new on the web.
How and what to talk to a potential candidate?
K.G .: It is best to start the conversation by looking for something interesting on the profile of such a person. Maybe he is interested in Argentine tango or he likes mountain trips. This is a good topic to start with. If someone has a duly completed profile on the dating site, we will find out how old he is, what sign of the zodiac he is under, whether he has children or whether he is planning another one. If, after a short exchange of views, we see that our interlocutor does not like what we do, the dialogue is uninteresting or the threads are interrupted, then it is worth letting go at this stage.
What emotions dominate in online relationships?
K.G .: The relationship on the Internet begins more mysteriously. Most of us are visual learners, and on the web we are not able to get a good look at the other side. Usually there is no sparking at first sight, because there is simply no sight. However, it is easier for us to show ourselves from the writing side. Perhaps that is why humanists and people with a romantic soul do better on the Internet than pragmatists. When people do not see each other and have not met before, they have a false sense of security (they write at home, in the bedroom, in bed, in slippers and a bathrobe).
Therefore, it is much easier to admit their feelings and share emotions. They can admit to intimate experiences. In the real world, such confessions tend to take longer to emerge. I always highly recommend meeting in real life as quickly as possible. Thanks to this, we will not unnecessarily engage with someone virtually.
Can you love someone you don't know personally?
K.G .: Yes, but unfortunately it usually ends badly. When we sit in our apartment and correspond with a stranger, with time we think we know them. Our imaginations make up for the shortcomings of real and tangible experiences. We begin to attribute traits to the other party that we would very much like that person to have. This, unfortunately, is only our intention. Usually it has little to do with reality.
The longer the correspondence lasts, the hotter the confessions and the greater commitment are. Meanwhile, our brain overrides a lot. Suddenly falling in love comes. We actually feel the ideal made in our head, not the real person.
Statistics show that the verification of such an image in real life is very painful later. That is why I advise a maximum of three months of correspondence. If the meeting has not taken place by then, there is something to do and it is worth considering.
What are theyadvantages and dangers of online dating?
K.G .: One of the greatest advantages is the high probability of meeting a loved one. Statistically, love on the street or on the tram can be found much less often compared to a dating site, where most people have the same goal. One of the dangers is the illusory sense of security. When we correspond with someone, we usually write too many intimate things about ourselves. It will not necessarily be beneficial for us in the future.
You must do itKatarzyna Gubała(born 1978) editor, journalist and photographer. Runs the blog spalwyserca.pl. Editor-in-chief of the monthly "Przepis na Ogród" at the Burda Media Polska publishing house. The best ideas come to her when she is standing on her head or lying on the dental chair. An enthusiast of small and large gardens and the owner of a vegetable plot run by an artistic hand and with an idyllic atmosphere. She practices yoga and spends her holidays in Hungary or Tuscany. A great fan of love in a non-accidental edition.
"Guys from the net"is a funny story about love, but also a very precise recipe for finding a loved one online, according to clearly defined criteria. A colorful story written with gusto about the gusts of heart in contemporary realities. Nowadays, true love can most effectively be found in one place - on the Internet.
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