Can suffering be pleasant? It would seem that it is best to forget about unpleasant moments in life. So why do we like to come back to these moments? Some even collect souvenirs of them. They collect them as if they were very attached to their suffering.

Jolka keeps at the bottom of the drawer letters from her former boyfriend, who caused her so much trouble, 10-year-old Tomek boasts to his friends how many stitches the doctor put on him, Mr. Adam keeps gallstones in a jar after the bag surgery. We store lost milk teeth, we proudly show appendix scars. We talk passionately about our misfortunes, diseases, conflicts and sometimes we repeat these stories until we are bored, instead of forgetting them. Why?

Scars are like personal mementos

The most obvious reason for collecting such memorabilia is that illness, accidents, love break-ups, divorces, etc. are turning points in our lives. They are like milestones that delimit certain stages of life. Therefore, they are remembered for and the items associated with them are kept. A gallstone, a scar can be treated as photos, a trace of the past, a memory. Therefore, throwing them out meets resistance. After all, personal souvenirs are not thrown away. However, there are also more mysterious reasons for attachment to "evidence" of physical and mental suffering, misfortune, disease.

Suffering can give you a sense of identity

Collecting traces of disease also shows that people are attached to their pain. Sometimes it is difficult to part with the passion. Suffering is something extremely intimate, very personal. It is one of the most private experiences and can give a person a sense of identity. According to some psychologists, a person's identity is strongly dependent on how he remembers important events in his life, and not necessarily on what the past really looked like. The proponent of this theory, Dan McAdams, professor of psychology at Evanston University in Illinois, believes that our personality is shaped more by subjective memories than by objective reality. That is why the mementos of the suffering of the body and soul maintain a certain sense of identity. Getting rid of them forces you to change your mind about yourself. E.g. throwing outmilk teeth is like saying goodbye to childhood, to the past, to the beginning of a new stage of life. People who are aware of their own value and limitations find it easier to part with such souvenirs. For others it is more difficult.

Suffering: maturity or justification for weakness?

Collecting painful traces of the past may be due to something else. We used to think that suffering ennobles, and that enduring illness can increase self-esteem. Research by psychologists shows that, in fact, a certain amount of existential suffering promotes maturity, a sense of responsibility, and even mental he alth. However, it is not about focusing on your illnesses and misfortunes, but about taking on the challenges of life.

Coming to terms with what you have to come to terms with (e.g. the inevitability of death), and fulfilling tasks related to adulthood, incl. with the roles of a parent, spouse, employee. Struggling with fate consisting largely in the effort to maintain cheerfulness in the face of various adversities.

Many suffering people feel deeply proud to bear their suffering so bravely. These people also collect evidence that they have suffered a lot in their lives. Illness can also be used as a "vehicle" to take self-esteem to a higher level.

My pain is bigger than yours

You can boast of suffering. Pride and competition appear in statements such as: "I had the worst childbirth in the world", "Doctors said my urinary stones could end up in the Guinness Book", etc. Evidence of being a suffering person can also raise self-esteem otherwise - they become a convenient excuse for our failures . It's a paradox, but it's understandable. Many people think deeply, “If it weren't for my sickness, I would have been living in a palace a long time ago. I would have a great family, work and everything would be great. " In these situations, the evidence of illness also comes in handy.

Who needs suffering?

One of the most mysterious (and the rarest) reasons for keeping souvenirs of one's suffering is to have a "need for an enemy". For example, a child mad at his parents might kick the dog. The dog becomes the object to which the child's anger is transferred. Sometimes illness performs a similar function.

Family conflicts and problems with oneself can be symbolically expressed in the form of an illness. It is then a way of channeling bad and difficult feelings or desires - e.g. wanting to be a child or causing trouble to other people.

These mechanisms are unconscious. The sick person does not know that he "needsillness ”that without it he could be, for example, bad for his relatives or unhappy. In such cases, the disease persists despite doctors' treatments, returns for mysterious reasons or turns into another ailment. Such patients also collect documentation of their suffering. They are also prone to manifesting ailments, exaggerating them, spreading about their diseases. They give the impression that they are playing a disease.

Is it wrong to collect souvenirs after diseases?

Of course not! Sometimes souvenirs of diseases are collected, such as old gas bills or receipts in case of complaints. People who have a basement full of junk because it is difficult to part with old things, will also be prone to accumulating memories of their illnesses.

Why is it so hard to part with them? People with separation difficulties, i.e. those prone to creating very strong, symbiotic relationships with other people, have a particular difficulty in getting rid of mementos of their sufferings. Those who do not tolerate loneliness become addicted to other people, but also easily succumb to various addictions. These people need constant confirmation of their own worth, they often have complexes and lack self-confidence.

monthly "Zdrowie"

Category:

Psychiatry