Friends with benefits - define the relationship of two people who are not in a stable relationship, see each other only from time to time, get on well, often have similar passions, but at the same time live in two different worlds. At first glance, they are ordinary friends. At first glance. Because apart from being friends, they also go to bed with each other.
The rules of the arrangementfriends with benefitsare simple: regular sex, but no feelings and no obligations. If either party falls in love, that's their problem. Because there is no room for sentiment in this system.
Advantages of friends with benefits
Proponents of sex systems argue that it has only advantages, provided that clear rules are set from the beginning, in which there is no room for sentiment. The rules of the game are clear - no feelings, all pleasure.
After all, not every woman wants a lasting relationship. And not every man is ready for a relationship. In such relationships, love is replaced by desire, and instead of commitment, we get amazing sensations. A sexual bond instead of an emotional one.
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Amateurs of such a solution explain that every person has their own sexual needs. And if someone does not have a permanent partner, why should he or she fight these needs by force? It can, after all, implement them - convince those who have found themselves in this type of relationship for years. Moreover, they can be fulfilled without any obligations. Because here there is no need for declarations, promises and planning weekends or holidays. There is also no consent to grievances, regrets and longings.
Friends with benefits are statistically much easier for men. A pure system based only on physicality, in which they can fulfill their sexual fantasies and at the same time do not hurt anyone, is the perfect solution for them. Women are much worse at it. They don't get involved at first, but with time emotions begin to emerge, and sex alone is no longer enough.
So, can a relationship based only on sex without commitment be long-term and not cause?negative effects?
- Sex without obligations is a very dangerous idea that disturbs interpersonal relationships. After all, the sphere of intimate contacts is reserved for people who are very important to each other. Therefore, even if we say to ourselves that it's just sex, sooner or later feelings will come to the fore. And then sex without obligations will cease to be good fun - says social psychologist Andrzej Tucholski.
Negative sides of friends with benefits
That's why the sex deal is only for the few. Because not everyone can separate sex from feeling in the long run. Only those who can predict their own reactions can afford it. Those who can say STOP at the right moment and walk away. Otherwise, engaging in a sex relationship will turn out to be quite a problem. A problem with which one of the parties will be left alone. Because the sex system, by definition, does not provide for the support of the other party. After all, it's just about pleasure. Physical pleasure. The one who pushes emotions into the background wins. And it doesn't let them take control of the situation.
- Almost all of us, sooner or later, mature to a decision to stabilize. And what if the need arises when we are in a sex arrangement and our sex-friend is the person closest to us? Then there is an emotional tragedy. Because even if we declare at the beginning that nothing but sex will connect us, over time one of the parties subconsciously begins to count on something more - explains Andrzej Tucholski. - And then disappointment appears.
Arrangementfriends with benefitsis also dangerous for another reason. - When we want to build a lasting relationship, and for the last few years we have been stuck in a relationship based solely on sex, it may turn out that we will not be able to create anything more, because we will be afraid of rejection. Because so far we have not learned to build trust, common ground, closeness other than sexual - the expert warns.
ProblemEnd sex system
In most cases, sooner or later, the friends with benefits arrangement starts to get tiring and unbearable. The reasons may be different - greater involvement of only one of the parties, jealousy of the partner, willingness to be the "only" partner for sex. In such a situation, it's best to talk openly about it, and if you don't come to the conclusion that you want to try a normal relationship with all the consequences of this decision, it's best to end the relationship. Unfortunately, friendship often ends when sex meetings are stopped. Therefore, when entering into this type of relationship with a friend, you have to take into account at the beginningthe fact that the relationship may definitely end.