You often don't do certain things in bed that you deeply want to do. Your inhibitions hold you back. Push the boundaries and dare to experiment in sex. However, erotic fantasies must be implemented carefully. Remember that your partner or partner must also agree to everything.
Sometimes when your partner caresses you, do you imagine a tougher scene? However, you are afraid of yourerotic fantasiesput into action. Why? Because you can alienate your partner who will read it as promiscuity, because you are ashamed because something is holding you back. This isinhibitions .
Inhibitions in sex: what are we afraid of?
- It is not only easier to confide in a person with whom we have nothing to do. When we havesexwith someone that nan doesn't care about, who we won't meet anymore, it's easier to push the boundaries - says Katarzyna Platowska, psychologist and therapist. This means that you sometimes refuse erotic experiments, not because there is something about them that repels you. You are afraid that what you are doing is considered immoral and abnormal. You are also afraid of your reactions. By closing yourself to bold experiments, you take care of your "safety" - you protect yourself from being ridiculed, rejected and completely exposed. You are also afraid of your partner's reaction and that if you allow yourself to fly away in his arms, you will have a witness of your "promiscuity".
Inhibitions in sex - it's worth fighting with
- It's easier to overcome inhibitions in an anonymous, emotionally meaningless system - admits the psychologist. - Men decide on such a solution more often. But this is not a mature procedure. It would be mature to work with inhibitions within a relationship, with a partner you love and have something to do with. Women also sometimes use the "veil". It is usually alcohol: under its influence, they allow themselves a certain "wildness", and the next day they explain that they have drunk too much. A man's desire, his determined pursuit of the goal of fulfilling his sexual need, can also serve as a veil. This makes us blame someone else for what we "do."
- By refusing to play in the bedroom, we also close our eyes to a certain sphere of ourselves - believes Platowska. After all, physical love is a natural need, an expression of your sexuality, an expressioncloseness and the need for fulfillment. It is sad when inhibitions force you to suppress your natural temperament and your appetite for sex. It's bad when something that could be a source of joy becomes something ugly, guilty and boring.
Where do inhibitions in sex come from?
They go very deep - right down to the earliest childhood. In fact, your inhibitions are not yours at all! If your parents considered sex wrong and sinful, it is unlikely that your child will grow up to be unbiased. In such families, sex is not discussed at all, it is treated as a forbidden topic. When a child becomes interested in the opposite sex, he or she is clearly discouraged from doing so. But it doesn't have to be clear that sex is wrong. It is enough that parents do not hug each other, do not show affection. The child himself is also given little affection: he is not hugged, parents do not play games with him that require close, physical contact. A child who, until the age of 7 or so, believes that his parents know everything, soaks up these "subcutaneous" patterns like a sponge. And he grows into a man who has boundaries set so close and narrow in the sphere of sex that they constrain him and take away the joy of intercourse. But keep your head up. Because although internal boundaries can be stiff, and crossing them difficult and painful, they can be moved.
Inhibitions destroy relationship
There is another reason why you should break your inhibitions - having good sex is good for a relationship. It is not without reason that sex is the sphere in which it is probably the fastest that something is wrong between the partners. - When we have a crisis, the relationship goes wrong, it is a good idea to do something that has not been done before - says Katarzyna Platowska. Sex can be such a sphere. People who are satisfied with their relationship, especially men, are more open to the needs of the other party. But regardless of the crisis, if your partner is committed to experiments in the bedroom and is loving and affectionate at the same time, let yourself be persuaded to go crazy. Try new things to know why you're refusing, rather than refusing on principle.
How to fight inhibitions in sex?
Life itself often helps to open up. Like, for example, after a party where both partners had a great time: they come home, end up in bed and have wild sex. And then the inhibited side is itself surprised by how much pleasure it has experienced. - This is very therapeutic, as long as they do not get up the next morning and pretend that it was not there that evening - warns the psychologist. - Especially women in such a situation tend to hide like little childrenhead under the covers and pretend they're gone. They are ashamed of themselves in front of themselves and their partner. What to do? It's best to… let your partner read this text. Because it is he who has to make sure that his partner "loosens" the boundaries. A wise man will "pull" a new situation. It should be warm and extremely tender. It should refer to this event (not immediately during breakfast, of course). Make sure how good it was for him, how much fun he was, while not embarrassing or ridiculing his partner. A man should spend more time petting when he is planning experiments. He should at least try to get the woman to a state where she would feel like going crazy and lost in sex.
You must do itTurn off the light and let your imagination run wild
Inhibited women should put their erotic fantasies to work. They make it easier to reach orgasm. It is good to move to the bedroom what attracts us in fantasies. First, let's choose the most innocent one. - You can also make an agreement that once we play in bed under her dictation, sometimes under his dictation - the psychologist advises. - You can try experiments after watching the movie. Such things stimulate the imagination. Massage does a good job too. Mind and body are connected, relaxing the body with massage also relaxes the mind and it is also easier to "relax" inhibitions. It's worth breaking up and talking about sex with your partner. We best talk when we're in bed, we're close, and we're safe. When it's dark around and our partner can't see our face. Some things are easier said when we don't have to face each other's eyes.
Realization of sexual fantasies - important right to refuse
Before you start experimenting, one very important thing must be taken care of: make sure in advance that when you feel the slightest resentment, you give a signal and stop playing. It may happen that one of the partners, although he or she initially agrees, changes his mind just before or during the process. And that's okay too! The partner must respect this. Perhaps in the future, the inhibited side will feel safe and will be more open to further attempts.
However, if you change your mind while playing and protest, but your partner does not notice it and continues, you will lose confidence in him. You may also lose the desire to have sex with him, sometimes even relationships in general. Therefore, lovers must be very vigilant to the reactions of the other side. Women often say, "If I agreed, I have to go through it." Mistake! Nobody has to do anything! And if you decide to "wade through" like that, you will feel terrible the next day. But there may also be times when it was physically pleasurable, you hadorgasm and a lot of fun, but the next day you feel bad anyway. In that case, it would be good to seek the help of a psychologist. You may find that you have an imperative to keep you from going crazy in bed.
When a man has inhibitions
An inhibited man is worse off than an inhibited woman. Society requires him to be a sexual conqueror. This paralyzes someone shy. A brave partner can deal with an inhibited master. But be careful! If a man has many inhibitions, followed by a long period without a steady relationship, he may get scared off by an overly passionate woman. You have to gently encourage him to experiment, for example whisper in his ear in bed: "Oh, honey, do this and this" or show him without words where his hands should go. You can take an example: tell about something you've read somewhere or play an erotic film. In this way, by getting to know something with him and saying "it can be nice", we put both him and ourselves in the same role - in the role of people who try.
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