Politics divides not only social and social groups, but also families. Our attitudes are radicalizing and our views polarize. How to talk about politics with your loved ones so that differences of views do not turn into a quarrel between two irreconcilable parties? And when is it better not to mention political topics at all?

If we are aware that people with very different political views will sit at the table, it is even worth talking with potential opponents before the meeting and suggesting that they bury the war ax during the holidays. Let us put them at a distance at the table, and when the conversation turns to political topics and the discussion starts to intensify, let us gently remind the guests that the visit is not a battle arena. In such situations, it is helpful to skillfully defuse the atmosphere with a joke (but be careful - it cannot be mocking one of the parties!) Or a skillful change of the topic of the conversation.

Assuming that the purpose of the family gathering is to celebrate holidays or birthdays together, we can initially suggest to those present that we will not discuss political topics. It is true that the hosts should not be forbidden to behave freely, but they can actively influence its course before and during the meeting and take certain actions to ensure that each of their guests feels comfortable.

Let's talk openly

Sometimes it is impossible not to talk about politics, because it affects everyone personally in a special way. For example, my uncle hopes to restore the previous retirement age and expects to retire next year; the niece is expecting a child conceived as a result of an IVF program introduced by the previous government. In such a situation, there is no point in pretending that we all agree - you have to express your views openly, not even counting on the fact that we will convince the other side.

This solution is good because we get to know the arguments of our opponents and we have a chance to express our opinion. This allows us to find out what is bothering our loved ones and, as a result, ease the mutual hostility and the resulting tension. However, for this to happen, we need the curiosity and openness to another human being and - which is equally important - realizing what our emotions result from and controlling them. Their excess prevents not only tangiblearguing, but also prevents us from listening to the other side. As a result, the discussion may turn into a quarrel, and the opponents will entrench themselves in their positions.

Therefore, it is worth establishing certain rules of conducting the conversation and sticking to them during the meeting. It is the task of the hosts to recall them and to diplomatically ease the dispute. Their knowledge of the family-specific style of communication, which is difficult to change, as well as awareness of the nature of mutual relations between guests, benefit here. Often the argument about politics is not about politics, but about other undisclosed and important reasons: treatment of complexes, a sense of power, control, maintaining authority, past wrongs, hidden manipulations. It is worth remembering about them in order to be able to extinguish the fiery conflict in time.

This will be useful to you

Rules of dispute

1. We focus on the essence of the dispute, present our position clearly and to the point, avoid digressions and arguments of an emotional nature.

2. We recognize the right of everyone present to their own opinion and we give everyone a chance to express themselves.

3. We listen carefully to our opponents. We don't stop and don't cut in their word.

4. We control our emotions, remembering that the disagreement is due to differences in views and not to the bad will of the interlocutor.

5. We separate the subject from the person: we avoid personal "trips". We talk calmly and kindly, without judgmental expressions, bluntness, or taunts.

6. When emotions take over, we stop the argument and postpone the discussion until the atmosphere calms down.

Let's look at it through their eyes

In order for the conversation to be a constructive dispute, and not an argument full of bad emotions, you need to develop empathy. Let's try to understand the partner's point of view, let's look at it through his eyes. It is not easy if we believe that the other side is not worth listening to, because he is wrong, has been manipulated, etc. But let's imagine for a moment that the other side thinks exactly the same about us (and it probably is). It is important to realize what the interlocutor is feeling and what emotions our words and behavior evoke. So let's at least show your intention to listen to the other side by saying, for example, "I'm not sure I'll ever agree with you, but I'm curious what you think and why you think so." Let's not only listen to the arguments, let's also try to feel the emotions of the interlocutor and show it ("I understand that it makes you angry …").

You can also use your own words to formulate the opponent's views, asking if this is what he means. In this way, we express a willingness to reach an understanding, build trust, moderate the impetus of an attack by the interlocutor and we will probably seereciprocity - the adversary will listen to us as we have heard him. Thanks to this, we will remain at the level of a matter-of-fact discussion - and this gives us a chance to avoid an argument and understand the other side's reasoning. And although we will still differ in views, we can eventually diverge.

We are a family, we share common values ​​

The old joke says that where two Poles are, there are three parties. However, during a family meeting, it is worth remembering as often as possible what we have in common - it can ease the mood and make it easier to reach your opponents. Maybe at the moment we are not on our way, but something made us sit down together at the table on Easter Sunday. We are connected by blood ties, attachment to tradition, memory of shared experiences, care for loved ones. Referring to these themes will help overcome the feeling of alienation that may have crept into our relationship.

These can be small things: a question about the he alth of long-unseen relatives or mutual friends, pride in the achievements of a common grandson, memories of years spent together, etc. People can connect surprising things: the elderly can find a common language by complaining about today's youth, young mothers - talking about the progress or school problems of their children. It is enough to find a tiny crack in the shell of otherness for it to seep in, if not sympathy, then at least understanding. This makes it much easier to establish contact when the interlocutors are on opposite sides of the barricade.

Listen, not just hear

In the heat of the discussion, it happens that the most important thing for us is to articulate the arguments that roar in our head. We do not allow ourselves to think that we may be wrong or that the other person is also right. Ours must be on top: we try to shout over the interlocutor, we disregard his arguments. And although we hear what he is saying, we do not understand the meaning of his speech - because we do not want to listen. Our interlocutor - also far from listening to the opponent - gives us good fortune, and then the mutual enthusiasm grows. Meanwhile, in order to communicate with the other side, you have to listen and try to understand. When the temperature of the dispute rises dangerously, let's stop and calmly say, "Now you talk, I'm listening to you." This phrase can work wonders. When discussing, it is worth remembering the principles of assertiveness that will help eliminate aggression. Here they are: both I and my interlocutor have the right to our own opinion; we say them openly, but we do not lecture or attack; we talk about what we feel ourselves, we do not judge or criticize the attitude of the interlocutor ("it irritates me / angers / worries that …" and not: "you are hopelessly blinded …”).

monthly "Zdrowie"

Category:

Psychology